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[quote=Anonymous]14:42 here - we never had a cold war situation but we got our first AP when DH was working overseas a lot.  He was here for her arrival and in country for a month to get settled in, driving, etc.  They got along fine.  He was gone  about 3 weeks per month overseas for first 3 or 4 months and only heard my complaints (nothing big, just not ideal first AP - sucked with laundry, started dating and guys coming in our home to pick her up and she was 30 minutes late to get ready, etc).  When he got back and had time to focus on situation he was pissed and very business like.  Using business terms for return on investment and things like that; which was ironic as it was his travel and our kids in FT daycare that he did not like (about 10 hours a day they were in there) and snapped and wanted either nanny or AP for them to be home more.

He gets home and wants to go into rematch, but it is not that simple.  She was an ok AP, and I felt safe with her having my children; we sat her down and corrected her major issues (like her dates coming into our home to pick her up at 9pm and me entertaining them as she finishes getting ready) and things like that.  When he was around her more and got the big ticket items taken care of we had a good year with her.  He is very direct with them that no woman (no matter what country) really likes, but has facts and examples for them to see his (aka "our") perspective.

We are on our third AP now and he has learned that there is not some magical formula for the perfect AP. He had to reset expectations more than he expected going in but would not compromise on anything with regards to children or safety.  Some AP are disasters, no doubt - but talking to them and have communication is the first step.  My DH was terrible at that first step for our first AP.  But once he took it we were all better off.

The TV thing is an easy fix - lots of software apps to control or monitor you TV use; or just tell her 30 minutes a day or whatever.  Just have a direct conversation (with specific examples) or things DH (and you) do not like....give her some upside on things she is doing well; but him bitching about little things (and TV or iPad are easily corrected) and not looking at anything she does right may not be a fair evaluation of AP.[/quote]

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