Reply to I think I want AP to leave, but for what reason?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP - Thought it might help to hear some advice from someone who pushed through a full year with an AP that sounded very similar to your situation.  From an outside perspective, what you're doing here is choosing your AP's feelings and your preference for avoiding conflict over your children's happiness and needs.  Been there done that.  Your children are not happy, they are repeatedly expressing that you are leaving them with someone who obviously doesn't like them.  The very fact that she turns around the monitor is reason enough for me that she is not doing her job and knows it.

Please do not continue this year.  I know it's easier to just go along with it and be miserable for six months, but it will have long-lasting implications, trust me.  You will be miserable, your children will be spending a significant portion of their lives with someone who obviously would rather do anything other than engage with them.  My marriage even suffered because we were all so miserable.

You are not happy.  Your kids aren't happy.  Doesn't sound like your AP is that happy either.  Just end it.  Don't be swayed.  Give her a fine review so that she can hopefully continue out her year elsewhere.  You will feel like a giant weight has lifted when she leaves your home.  I promise.  I still feel like I have PTSD from that year.[/quote]

Absolutely agree.  I too should have re-matched with a former AP who did not bond with my child.  My child is a bit older than yours, and I had my head in the sand for too long about just how much they didn't bond -- my daughter didn't tell me until near the end of the year that she always felt like the AP didn't like her.  Standing back and thinking objectively after that, I could see exactly why she thought that, and frankly, after opening my eyes about the whole thing I believed that the AP actually did not like my daughter.  When I realized that I had subjected my child to a year of that,  It broke my heart.  The next AP was amazing but the first few months, my daughter had resistance/hesitance to warm up (since I think she had developed some low self esteem and anxiety about the whole AP thing thanks to the non-bonding AP).  After the wall came down, I could see a change in my daughter. She was her normal happy bubbly self again.

When working from home, you should be hearing laughter and playfulness coming from downstairs.  Not silence.  Your kids need interaction and stimulation.  They are getting a cold shoulder and they know it.  For the sake of your kids, rematch.  Be honest about the reasons (the agency will likely sugarcoat it of course) and perhaps suggest that she might be better with older kids who need less interaction.    Also, I would venture to say that of course she's happy with you.  From the sounds of it, she's spending her day on the phone texting with friends instead of working and engaging her host kids.  She's coasting and she probably knows it.  [/quote]

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