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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure what to do in this situation, or how to handle it, so I'd love some advice.

AP has been with us for 6 months. On a scale from 1 to 10, we'd give her a solid "5" in performance, because we feel very neutral about her. She gets her job done and she does what we ask. But she has never really bonded with us as a family, and she has not bonded enough with our children for me to give her a higher rating. Our kids seem to like her okay, but I constantly hear from them (they are 2 and 5) that they don't want AP around, they don't want AP to play with them, they don't like AP, etc. This past weekend, AP came to my daughter's birthday party, and my daughter (who was otherwise having the time of her life) kept whispering to me that she didn't want AP there, and asking me why I invited AP. She was visibly upset that AP attended her birthday party.

My husband and I have noticed things like AP does not seem to pitch in or act like she is a part of the family during her time off. For instance, when she showed up to my daughter's party this weekend, she didn't offer to help me pass out cake, or load up the car with the gifts. She just stood around until we had break where she could ask to use the car for the rest of the day. When she comes on family trips with us and she's on her time off, she doesn't pitch in with family activities, such as she doesn't do her own dishes during family meal times, has us or my family wait on her, doesn't try to make any conversation, doesn't ask our kids any questions and so forth. During a normal weekend when she's off duty, she spends the entire weekend away from our house and spends the night with friends. Don't get me wrong- I don't want or expect her to be around all the time. But if we include in her special family events, or if she decides that she wants to hang around us during her time off, it just seems clear that there is a bond lacking with both our children and our family.

Also of note, I recently quit my job, and I am also pregnant. I have been around the house a lot more lately, so I've had a lot more spare time to observe her. I know it must be really hard to do your job while your boss is around, so I have kept that in mind. But I would think with me being around, AP would try to step things up a bit.  But what I'm noticing is that she rarely talks to my kids. She doesn't come up with anything interesting for them to do. Every day it's the same routine- an hour of TV, a few hours her watching the kids play, all while she just sits there and doesn't engage or talk to them. We have a baby monitor that she turns around to face the wall while she's in a room "playing" with my kids, so my guess is that she's sitting on her phone while the kids entertain themselves. Because even though I can't see, I can hear, and there is NO talking going on.  No interaction whatsoever.

We had a talk with AP last week, and I made a list of all of my concerns.  I also asked her to tell me her concerns. I told her it hurts me when I hear my kids tell her that they don't like her to her face and tell her to go away. It hurts me for her because I know that must not make her feel bonded with the kids, and it must really hurt her feelings, especially living in a foreign country with people you don't know all that well. But I also told her it makes me hurt for my kids, because I don't know why they are saying those things to her, and I want to respect the feelings of my kids. When we asked her why she thought the kids were saying those kind of things to her, she said she just thinks it's the kids' personalities, and she doesn't take it personally. She said we are the best family she could have ever hoped for, and she is so lucky to have us. And she said she truly feels everything is fine. But this left an aching in my heart, because I know everything is not fine if my kids keep telling me they don't like her and don't want her around.  I know something is off because, I too, feel uncomfortable around her. But what do you do when it's not working for you, but the AP thinks they are having an easy and fabulous experience? (I also talked to LCC about this, and LCC said AP says nothing but wonderful things about us and her experience here).

I don't want to give the impression AP is a bad person or terrible. Again, she gets the very basics of her job done. She cleans up after herself. She's not in the way, she doesn't make huge messes or cause any extra trouble. We've had a couple of bumps that we've gotten resolved. But the bottom line is, she's just okay. I don't know how to get her to talk and engage more with my kids, because we've already told her to do this, and it's still not happening. I honestly think she might be a better fit for another family, because I think it is just a misfit for our family overall, but not enough where there's some glaring red light where I know for sure we should ask for her to be rematched.

We have talked about this issue with other host families, as well as our families who were just here this weekend for our daughter's birthday. Sadly, the feedback we keep getting is that AP seems perfectly happy and content, but we are really indifferent to her and it could be SO much better, so we should either rematch or drop out of the AP program all together. Our families seem to think she's really aloof and all about herself, and they don't think she jives well with our family either. The grandparents also were very upset at our daughter's reaction to AP showing up at her party.

So it boils down to:
1) Do we put up with her for another 6 months since the job is getting done and because she says that everything is going to well on her end? I feel so guilty because our experience is just so-so, but apparently her experience is wonderful; or
2) Do we start the conversation with our LCC that we want her to leave because she's just doing "okay"? Can we even ask her to leave because she's just doing "okay"? And do we ask the AP agency to rematch for these reasons; or
3) Do we take the nicer route and tell the LCC and AP that our family situation has changed, so we no longer need this level of help and ask to have AP placed with another family due these changed circumstances, with the promise to give AP a good reference; or
4) Do we lay is all down on the line and tell our LCC that AP is just "okay", has not bonded with the kids, that the kids don't like her, AND our family situation has changed, so we need to place her somewhere else.

I am (obviously) not a confrontational person, and I don't like uncomfortable situations. So I am more inclined to go with option 3, unless anyone has compelling reasons to go with another options, or has some other tips. ALso, we are with Cultural Care Au Pair. If anyone has rematch experience with CCAP specifically (as to what to expect, are there fees for rematching, etc.) I would love to hear.

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