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[quote=Anonymous]I was in almost the exact same situation a couple years ago. I was hired to work with a family two days per week, they had an infant (5 months when I started) and a 3 year old. I arrived in the morning, and was there to assist the parents with getting the 3 year old ready for school (brushing hair and teeth, picking out and putting on clothes, etc): I was mostly hired to take care of the baby while big sister was in preschool, but in the mornings MB used that time to nurse baby.

From the very first day, DD1 recoiled from me (as a completely new person, in her eyes I was only there to take her away from Mommy and Daddy; my job did include dropping her off at preschool). When I tried to help with with ANYTHING she would scream and cry for mommy or daddy to do it. MB was usually busy nursing, but daddy gave in EVERY time. She learned very quickly that if she just cried and asked daddy, he would do it for her, so that's what happened EVERY SINGLE MORNING. I never was able to help her with anything. Every morning I'd arrive, try to help, she'd cry, daddy would take over, and I'd go wash the breakfast dishes in an attempt to stay out of the way and make myself useful.

I spent our walk to preschool attempting to engage her; I tried talking about her favorite characters, her favorite foods, animals, and books. I tried talking to her about maybe letting me help her get dressed, etc. She gave me the silent treatment every time; she wouldn't speak to me at all. (The walk took about five minutes.)

I tried speaking with her parents when she wasn't present, explaining that when they give in when she asks them to do things for her, then she won't ever let me help. They honestly looked shocked that I was suggesting that they not come running when their daughter cried out for them and I never brought it up again; they never changed their tactics. I think they would have fired me were it not for the facts that I was primarily the baby's nanny (not the preschooler) and they were happy with my care of the baby.

OP, YOU need to change how you handle things. I agree it may be too late for this nanny, but I think you should try to give her one more shot. Explain to your older child that nanny will help him, and you will not, because you are too busy doing X Y and Z. Explain that if he cries for you and does not cooperate with nanny there will be specific consequences (putting a favorite toy in time out for the day, loss of screen time, etc). But the most important ingredient in this recipe for success is YOUR actions: Do not help him, insist that nanny must do it and he must listen or else there will be consequences. Ideally, go into a different room where he can't see you. Tell him he can see you AFTER he has gotten dressed brushed teeth etc. [/quote]

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