Reply to Nanny is making plansw/child without looping me in

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[quote=Anonymous] First, it sounds as though you were getting a little bit unnecessarily defensive about this.  While I agree that her behavior needs to change, I definitely don't think that she is thinking or implying that she is more of a parent than you. It sounds to me like she is doing her best to plan fun and exciting activities for your daughter and in her mind she probably views it as going above and beyond.    In fact, there would be many families who would be thrilled at this behavior! Lots of parents would be really glad to know that their kid was out having fun adventures that they did not have to go to the trouble of planning and organizing.

That said, I think that your concerns are totally valid.  It sounds like there are two issues here. One is that you want to limit the spending on extra activities. The other is that you would like a little bit more control/input into what your child is doing after school.

I think that the way to handle this is to acknowledge your nanny's good intentions ("we so appreciate that you are a fun nanny who loves to create adventures and activities for our child")  then, I think you explain your concerns ("we have a budget for activities, and I need you to check with me before scheduling anything that costs money").  I also think it is fair to discuss the overall policy on afterschool activities.  Is your problem simply that you feel that she should be asking your permission before scheduling things?  Or is the problem that you would actually be saying no to many of these given some reasoning of your own (for example are you concerned that your daughter is not getting enough time for homework or relaxing around the house or that bedtime is running late)?  If this is just a matter of you wanting your nanny to ask permission first, then to me that sounds a bit like you are standing on ceremony. I think you are fine to require that your nanny notify you before she takes your daughter anywhere. It is a safety issue for you to know where they are, but if nanny has to ask permission for everything, that begins to feel as if you simply don't trust  her, and you need to decide whether this is a hill you want to die on in terms of potentially driving away an otherwise good nanny.  If there is a bigger issue you are concerned about in terms of how your daughter spends her time after school, then that's something you should address together with the nanny as a team ("It is important to me that Larla have enough time after school each day to relax and have unstructured free time. I would like her not to have a planned or scheduled activity more than X hours per week"). [/quote]

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