Reply to My referral didn't work out and now I'm stuck in the middle

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I recommended my friend to a nanny family a little over a year ago. My friend gave her three weeks notice this past week and things are ending very unprofessionally (surprisingly on the momboss's end). Since recommending my friend, I have sat for this family from time to time and I have seen how misbehaved the children are, and how neurotic the momboss is. My friend says the mom comes home sometimes 45 minutes late without a warning, she has changed up the nanny's duties, and even flexes her time without notice or even asking...there's so much more to it but all in all, I do not blame my friend for quitting. She quit very professionally, she gave three weeks notice and handled the mom and written notice. The mom flipped out on her and said she wasn't thinking of the kids and she was selfish and she needed to stay and went as far to say that she will never give a good reccomendation because the nanny can never be counted on because she gave up on her family.

On the day that my friend quit,, the momboss has called my phone seven times, she texted me twice and demanded that I call her ASAP (this was during my working hours - I'm also a nanny). I finally texted and told her that "I cannot talk on the phone because I am at work". She then blew up my phone with texts for a good hours straight. It was just random stuff with her bad mouthing my friend and telling me that my friend screwed her family over...which is false. I never replied to any of the texts until the end of my day. I sent one back and explained that I was sorry about the situation and I'm sure it's tough for both parties but I do not want to be put in the middle. Since then, she has called my phone twice and texted back and told me that I was bad a referring people and that she will make sure everyone knows how professionally I handle things when people I refer quit.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've ignored her every time and I really just want to cut the ties. BUT my current job ends next year and I will be looking for a new nanny position. I'm fearful that she will try to ruin that for me.

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I don't understand.  How can this MB ruin your chances for a new position next year?  Simply do not use her as a reference.

I would, of course, side with the nanny in the above situation and do my best to calm the MB but never agree with her.  Use phrases like "Sometimes situations just don;t work out" and "not every nanny is a good fit for every family" and, of course, the old "I am so sorry you feel that way".  Respond to her texts and calls ONLY when you are not working but don't avoid her.

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