Reply to How could I or should I have handled this differently?

Forum Index » General Discussion

Reply to "How could I or should I have handled this differently?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I'm a nanny to 13 month old twins; I've been with them five months (4, 9.5 hour days per week). The entire time, DD has been a PITA baby, and DS has been a mostly sweet, mostly easy baby. Napping and eating have been our biggest struggles.

DS has been a one-long-nap in the middle of the day baby for quite some time (he doesn't seem to be tired at all until 12-1, and will nap for 2-2.5 hours at that time). DD on the other hand is better suited to two naps; by 10am she is cranky and tired, but will only sleep for an hour if I put her down before noon, and then will need to nap again around 2:30/3. We tried doing two naps for DD and one nap for DS but didn't work out great because we never were able to go out to the park or the library, etc; plus I didn't get a break and it's a long day. I discussed this with MB who said she wanted them both to nap at the same time, and even though DD had trouble with it we should just try keeping her up until he goes down (12:30ish) and hope that she would adjust to it eventually. We've been doing that for almost four months now, with mixed results. The biggest issues with it are that she is a total pill between 10am and naptime, and also that she often (not always, but often) wakes up after 60-90 mins, won't go back down, and then is tired again by 3:30/4 (but it's too late for another nap then).

The other issue is food. DS is a great eater. Granted, there are some things he hates and refuses to eat, but the things he likes (peas, carrots, corn, strawberries, banana, cheese, etc) get eaten quickly and in great quantities. DD on the other hand doesnt seem as picky, but, especially over the last few weeks, doesn't eat much at mealtimes. While her brother is shoveling food into his mouth, she will take one bite (just one!) and then throw everything onto the floor. I've tried giving her just one small piece of food at a time, but it still goes on the floor. Two weeks ago I started enforcing "3 strikes and you're out" at mealtimes; once she threw her food on the floor for the third time all food was taken away and she had to sit and watch DS finish eating, and she would have to wait until the next meal/snack (90-120 mins later).

Last week it sort of worked; although she would throw all her food on the floor and then be hungry until the next snack, at the next snack she would eat more and throw food less. But today has been a big struggle. At breakfast, at 7:45am, she drank all her milk and ate two bites of banana, everything else went on the floor. At snack, at 9:30am, she ate one kernel of corn, and everything else went on the floor. At lunch, at 11:15am, she ate two bites of strawberry, and everything else went on the floor. I've been offering her a variety of foods (2-3 things to choose from at each sitting), and trying to offer some of her healthy favorites as well. Needless to say she's been a giant pain in the butt (foul mood, always wanting to be held, crying a lot) all day, and most likely because she's so hungry.

One thing I've noticed is that their parents seem to feed them a lot of baby junk food (puffs, biscuits, even toddler cookies); I get the impression they offer these at most meals, or, if DD doesn't eat much at a meal, MB once told me they give those to her "just so she isn't too hungry." I've sort of held my tongue because I don't want to be too preachy about what they should feed their children, but also because I don't know where to start (they've been buying their 13 month olds super sugary fruit yogurt, and they feed them a ton of cheese and pasta, not to mention they offer puffs and toddler cookies and biscuits frequently. I did at one point put in my two cents about buying them peanut butter that is trans fat free, but since then I've been reluctant to hound them about food choices). And for the record I know how much of the puffs and biscuits and cookies they feed them because I see how fast they go through the containers of them (alarmingly fast IMO!).

Today at snack, after DD had gone through her three strikes and was sitting in her chair waiting for DS to finish eating, I opened the cabinet where the puffs, biscuits, etc, are kept, to get something else out. When I closed it, DD started whining and crying at me, and it really seemed like she was waiting for and expecting me to give her some junk food. Im worried that this habit of "oh, if you don't want to eat fruits and veggies you can have puffs and biscuits" is going to have a negative impact on her eating in the future. I am hoping that DD will come to learn that even though mommy and daddy do that, nanny won't, but so far it's been a difficult learning curve on that front.

As I said, DD has been a huge pain in the butt today. We went for a walk to the park in the stroller, and she cried on and off the entire way there and back. We got home just before lunch time. At lunch she threw all her food on the floor almost immediately, and had to wait while DS had his lunch. As she sat there, she was becoming more and more fussy, crying and crying and crying. I even gave her a couple of extra chances to eat, but every time she threw her food on the floor (possibly because it wasn't the junk food she was holding out for?). By the time DS was done eating, she was in full on tantrum mode. I set them both in the small fenced in safe play area for a few minutes so I could clean up after lunch; DS was playing happily, neither hungry nor tired, but DD was rolling around on the floor screaming. I am trying to work on getting her to self soothe, but obviously that wasn't happening, so I gave her a couple of her favorite toys to play with, and tried to interact with her a little. She kept wanting me to take her out and hold her, but that is another habit of hers I've been trying to break (she always, always wants to be held, and will cry every time she is put down, until she is picked up again, but obviously I have to give DS attention and also prepare meals, clean up, etc, so she needs to learn that she can't be held 24/7). I patted her gently on the back, spoke to her in a calm voice, etc. but she wouldn't stop crying and screaming. I also have been using the deep breath technique but when she's that worked up already it doesn't help much.

DD ended up screaming and crying for almost 40 mins straight (15 mins during lunch, then another 15 in the play area while I tried to assist her in calming down and clean up the kitchen a little, and then another 10 while I was getting them ready for nap). I don't want to traumatize her, I want her to be happy and taken care of, but I felt there was nothing I could do. She has refused to eat, so she is hungry. She was extremely tired, but DS wasn't tired, so I had to try to keep her up until it was nap time. MB prefers them to be on the same nap schedule, and she tells me that for the past couple of months she and DB haven't had too much trouble with getting her to stay up until DS is ready to nap (probably because she's eating junk food so at least she's not also super hungry in addition to being tired).

Is there some way I could've handled this differently so DD didn't end up screaming and crying for 40 straight minutes? Should I give in and give her toddler junk food so she isn't so hungry? Should I just pick her up and try to hold her as much as possible until she calms down (knowing that even once she does I can't put her back down because she'll just start screaming again)? Should I talk to MB about putting them back on different nap schedules (even though she tells me it hasn't been a problem for them)? Should I talk to MB and DB about limiting toddler junk food? Should I just continue on with this and hope that she will come around and learn that I won't give her puffs and she might start eating more food at mealtimes with me? I feel like although the last few months have sort of been a struggle we've had some good days and good weeks, but the last week and a half has been all downhill...

I'm open to any suggestions, thanks. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics