Reply to Spinoff (sort of): in your experience do fussy babies always become difficult toddlers, etc?

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[quote=Anonymous]This is in response to the current what should I do thread (the nanny who is considering leaving a position with a happy baby who sleeps well but has unpleasant parents for a position with great parents but a fussy baby). I started to type a long response but I felt like maybe the subject matter was too different from the topic, and maybe it deserves its own thread. The point is, in my personal experience as a nanny for the last 12 years, the children that I've worked with from babyhood through toddlerhood, fussy babies have invariably turned into high needs toddlers, whereas easier babies have always become fun and more pleasant toddlers and preschoolers.

Of all of the kids I've worked with from a very young age (starting between 8 weeks and 4 months old), and continued to work with through age 2.5 (or in some cases, 3-4), most were relatively pleasant, easy going babies. Of course, they all had their moments and occasional off days, but for the most part they napped reliably well, and were very happy babies. And every single one of them turned into super fun toddlers and preschoolers.

But, the only really difficult child that I worked with for that stretch of time (in this case, from 4 months through his third birthday) was a pain in the butt the day I started and pretty much up until the day I left. As a baby he hardly napped at all; he was extremely difficult to get to sleep, and you pretty much had to hold him the whole time he slept, and even then he woke up after 20 mins screaming, every single time (considering it took 40 mins to get him to sleep it was very frustrating indeed). A couple of times, starting first at 6.5 months, I suggested to MB that we try to cry it out in the crib, explaining that he needed to learn how to self soothe, and I've worked with a few other parents who did this method with good results. I've had other babies cry for up to 40 mins the first couple of times, but they always fell asleep eventually. But not this little guy, he literally screamed and screamed; the first time (at 6.5 months) I let him cry for 50 mins before giving up. The next time I tried cry it out, a few months later, he screamed for 2 hours nonstop before I gave up. (And yes, he was going down shortly after a meal, with a bottle, with plenty of rocking, singing, and goodnight books, in a room with a noise machine and blackout curtains.) So I was still having to go through the process of rocking him to sleep and letting him sleep on me (for 20-30 mins) even as of 15 months. By 16 months, he had stopped napping completely.

He also wasn't sleeping at night; MB said she was lucky to get a four hour stretch of sleep, and he didn't start sleeping through the night at all until just before his third birthday! Also the only way she could ever get him to nap, even from as young as two months, was to drive him in the car! Every day I had off she drove him in the car at nap time.

He was late in reaching every milestone; he wasn't sitting up well until 9.5 months, he wasn't crawling until 10.5 months, and he didn't start waking until 16 months. He was always the most accident prone child I have ever seen. He also was the most dramatic child I've ever worked with; so it was a pretty terrible combination of a child who falls often, and every time he does, even if it really wasn't too bad, instantly started shrieking the worst screaming you've ever heard in your life. He was still this way even when I left when he was three; couldn't get through one brief playground visit without a minor booboo and screaming so loud every single parent at the park would turn and stare.

There were other issues, like his "why" phase was super long and extra annoying; it started before his second birthday and persisted for an entire year. It's one thing to be inquisitive but he would constantly ask the same questions over and over and also ask ridiculous repetitive questions over and over "why don't Ducks drive cars....why don't dogs drive cars...why don't cats drive cars...why don't ducks drive cars...etc" even when the answer was the same every time and I explained that animals just don't drive cars, only people do. I even tried ignoring his questioning flat out but that didn't stop him, and this line of questioning was literally happening all day every day for over a year.

I've often wondered if he has some kind of special needs. I suspected ADHD, but I'm told that can't be reliably diagnosed until age 4 (and he's not 4 yet). However, I've babysat for him a few times since I started working with my new family, and even his mom told me some of the issues the teachers have brought up to her about DS, so I know it isn't just me.

Anyway, how about you? In your experience does fussy baby = extra frustrating toddler?[/quote]

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