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[quote=Anonymous]MB here.  Triage the problems.

Start planning your search.   Put the word out on neighborhood listservs, any parenting groups, w/ all your mom friends, etc... that you're looking for a new nanny.

Get your ducks in a row in terms of job description, rate you can offer, job responsibilities, and so on.

Look into care.com or sittercity as options for your search.

Can you afford to use a short term agency?  That would help immediately if you did want to immediately be done w/ this nanny, but it is an expensive solution.  It can definitely work though.  An agency can also help w/ hiring a new nanny but again, you'll pay for the service.

Also, sit down with your current nanny and in non-emotional terms talk about what you're observing.  Ask her to go out of her way to ensure that both kids are treated as equally as possible.  Ask if she has ideas on how to improve her relationship with your younger child.  Be direct - "I can see that you're having a hard time w/ Jane, and I hear you when you say you think she is so difficult.  This concerns me - especially given how great you are with Jill.  What are your ideas for how we can improve things?

So - start working on her replacement, and simultaneously try to address the current situation as much as possible.

Deal w/ the reference problem when you get there - you don't have to solve that today.  There are usually ways to say positive things about someone that aren't dishonest.  Things like "she was fantastic with my first child - really great.  But the fit wasn't as good with my second and we just decided that wasn't fair to the nanny or the kids.  But if she is the right fit for you and your child then I can wholeheartedly recommend her."

Good luck.

We're going through a somewhat similar situation (long term nanny who is no longer a good fit) and it's really difficult and stressful to manage.[/quote]

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