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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just think I'm not cut out for it.  I get upset when they use their phones all the time,  fail to clean up despite being told over and over. I'm envious of their days off and get annoyed when they spend it at home when I have my kids.  I feel that they are judging me when I let them play wii while I rest. I'm envious when they can go to the gym when I can't. Our out with friends.  I'm a single mom and when I get home I'm on with my jids. I can't use more hours to goto the gym or don't have a husband to split weekend duty so resentment builds.

I just don't have any alternatives to it. Nannies are too expensive for my budget and babysitters are too unreliable. SACC is full and I have no othere options.

Anyone else feel this way and how you got over it? My current au pair is really good and I like her and how she is doing despite the little things that drive me crazy. I know to pick my battles.

Sorry just venting and don't know what else to do. Dad is not in the picture to help.[/quote]

That is the difference of having children and having a job caring for children - as with any job you get time off while having children of your own is a 24/7 responsibility.

It's one thing to be upset when AP is constantly on her phone or doesn't clean (if that's not a battle you want to pick that is your choice) but being upset because they are at home during their time off from work (as you are... just that you can walk out of your workplace and have a change of scenery) OR are not at home during their time off (meaning whatever they do upsets you...) is something you should work on. Being a single parent obviously was the right choice for you (as it was for my mother) but it is not your AP's fault. The AP is there to support you. And unless you don't allow your children playing wii while AP is on duty it is unlikely your AP really is judging you. You feel judged because you are not fulfilling your own expectations of what you think how you should be spending time with your children. But it's okay. You are the parent. Your sanity is important. It's not neglect if your kids play wii for an hour while you are resting. If it's the wii playing that bothers you make them read or draw or play outside but it's really not necessary to schedule every second of a child's day to be a good parent. Children are allowed to do things without mom or AP doing it with them. Children are also allowed to be bored.
Now, if you feel your AP is judging you because she is supposed to keep your kids active and engaged without playing wii or watching tv or being bored for a second that would be a different story. In that case she might be judging you because your expectations are so different to what you model. In that case it's probably best to sit AP down and talk to her. You need time to relax to function and you can only relax while the kids are around (can you schedule an earlier bedtime for more time to relax at night?) because you have no choice. Any reasonably intelligent AP should be able to get that.

Can you split AP's hours up differently? If your children are school-aged (based on SACC being full I assume they are) can you have her cover gym time or girls night out by giving her time off another day? If she is off during the day while the kids are at school you should be able to have her work late one night a week (or one night every other week) without going over 10 hours. Could you add any weekend hours she might be working to the weekdays and give her weekends off (arranging playdates for the kids or getting a babysitter or taking over childcare duties yourself). While I can see the sarcasm in 01/11/2015 00:34 (and kind of agree to it) one long day to give you a bit of me time any AP that matches with a single parent family should be able to understand.

Could you get a babysitter in addition to the AP? Even an unreliable babysitter for one night a week will be better than nothing. If that's something you can afford.

Are they old enough for sleepovers? Talk to their best friends' parents and see if they are willing (or able) to take them off your hands maybe one Saturday night a month. My mom and her best friend (both single moms) used to to that with us. One Saturday a month I would sleep over at my mom's friend's place, one Saturday a month their daughter would sleep over at our place.

Can you schedule regular playdates for your kids? On the weekends or one afternoon a week (to give you your AP more free time that she can add elsewhere to provide free time for you)?

Anything you do to arrange for more me-time for you will require you to rely on others and to pull in favors you might not be able to repay (and time soon) but if it helps you to stay sane...[/quote]

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