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[quote=Anonymous]I'd set aside a good chunk of time to talk this over with your nanny. Set it up as a meeting/review at 4pm on Friday and have your husband home for it as well. Making it a formal review will let her know you take this seriously.

I think you can phrase it in a way that won't offend - you appreciate how attentive she is to the kids, that they're well cared for with her, etc. But you also don't want her to be taken advantage of and waiting on the kids as a maid. You want her to be more of a loving authority figure - on the same team with you, the parents. Then present the set of self-care & chores you think your children should be doing for themselves and the home each day. Present your nanny with a system of discipline that you'd like her to use to both incentivize the kids, as well as disincentivize bad/disrespectful behavior. Let her know you'll be on her side if your kids are disrespectful towards her - if the 3 year old says "no, you pick it up!" then you'll come home and let him know that's not okay, rather than get mad at the nanny that the place isn't perfectly clean.

She may not realize that you want her to do this, because honestly a lot of families do actually just want a maid to wait hand & foot on their kids. The fact that you don't is commendable, but you have to empower your nanny to take on that role. Your kids will resist because they've already enjoyed a few months of the sweet life, so she needs to know that not only do you want her to change, but you're going to change too - you're going to discipline your kids when they don't respect her and you're going to hold them, not the nanny, accountable for cleaning up after themselves. [/quote]

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