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[quote=Anonymous]I agree with the respect part.

We've had our nanny for 2+ years and things are great.  We are each highly respectful of the other.  I've been late once, in two years, by 5 minutes and am usually 15 minutes early.

We give our nanny raises.  she is probably paid a tiny bit above market but we don't give out major benefits.  No health, two weeks vacation (that she chooses) + major holidays of her choosing (ie no MLK, she prefers the day after Easter).  She gets regular raises and we never give her flack for taking off sick days, which aren't excessive (2-3 per year, tops) or other time off.  We are appreciative that whenever possible she gives us lots of advance warning of times.  We ask her for extra times but if she can't do it , I accept that -- her time outside of our agreed hours is her time, and if she has prior commitments, that's my problem not hers.  If she is expected to be on call I have to pay for that.  Likewise, if we go away or don't need her, we always pay her for agreed upon hours.  That's common courtesy for a job that doesn't pay enough to put away ample savings.  We give a gift for birthdays ($100) and Xmas (a few hundred) which is nice but not excessive.  I'd rather provide what I have for decent, stable salary and guaranteed hours.

We have regular meetings to make sure we are on the same page re discipline and best practices.  We always respect her opinion and use that in making our own childcare decisions.  We can do this because we hired her knowing we would trust her.

If our nanny requests a toy or baby item, we generally buy it, within reason, but it's always been within reason.  We don't sweat the small stuff.  Occasionally she has lunch with her mom and my kids  (her mom is really sweet) or once every couple of months might have her mom drop by.  I've met her mom so it's fine.  She takes my son to the grocery store for her own food sometimes.  He enjoys it.  And in return she goes above and beyond for us, reorganizing kids' closets, trimming nails regularly, setting up projects for the kids, asking about nursery school and getting involved.  We are all adults and act like it.

I can't swear to you our nanny is over the moon, but she seems to really enjoy the job and she tells my MIL when she visits how much she likes working for us.  I can say that I feel like we have a functional relationship.

There are a lot of cartoonish posts on this board -- maybe some nannies do get $30+/hour, or some MBs think they can get away with shorting their nannies when they can well afford not to, or making mountains of molehills.  But I think being a fair, respectful, interested employer is likely what most nannies (or at least most nannies you'd want to hire and keep) are looking for.

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