Reply to Au pair- 6 year old touched her private part

Forum Index » Au Pair Discussion

Reply to "Au pair- 6 year old touched her private part"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]OP, he is six.  Don't pathologize this.  My son went through a period of poking my breasts, just because he knew he would get a reaction from me.  Once he got that they were off-limits, he would then point to them and say, "I am not going to touch those."  Awkward and uncomfortable at the time, but, as I learned from reading and asking, totally normal and a non-issue if you make it a non-issue and don't sexualize or pathologize what is just normal growing-boy curiosity (especially about something that at six is likely now "covered up" for him, indicating it's something that he shouldn't see and therefore may be interested in, not in a sexual way but in the way that the unknown is interesting).

This can turn out to be a huge thing or it can turn out to be a learning process, for the AP and for you.  Start by looking at this article from American Family Physician.

http://www.aafp.org/afp/2010/1115/p1233.html
 
Look at Table 1, the list of normal behaviors, especially for six year old boys.  See what's on it?  Touching breasts.  Read the article and see if you see any warning signs (doesn't sound like it to me from what you have said, but you may see something else there).  If no warning signs, then sit with AP, explain to her that this is NORMAL behavior, tell her you're sorry it happened to her  but that it is a normal part of working with children that age, and ask her to think about (but not tell you right now) if this is something she feels she can get past.  Share the chart with her if it's helpful.  If her English is good, you can even share the article.  Then give her a couple of days to decide if she can get past it. If she can't, better to know this now and rematch, because in this case, this is a young woman who has little understanding of child development and likely won't feel able to be physically warm or close to your son (might withhold hugs, might cringe at his touch, etc - not good lessons for him).  If she can get past it, then it's likely going to be a growth and bonding experience - for all of you.

And of course, talk to your son about this being behavior he should not do, but don't pathologize or turn this into anything other than what it sounds like - normal, curious boy behavior that he will outgrow with loving, kind, patient cresponses that tell him not to do it because he can't touch someone there without permission, just as no one should touch him in any of a group of places without his permission (or without his parents being there to say OK, as when a doctor examines, etc).[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics