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[quote=Anonymous]This reads to me like a child crying out for boundaries and responsibility. Positive reinforcement is essential but so are reasonable expectations for behavior. For example, if the logical consequence of hitting her sibling is not immediate removal to her bedroom, it should be. Or, instead of letting the kids scramble toward the car give her (or each of them) a responsibility, something to carry or organize or ask her to be in charge of checking younger sibling's seatbelt. Divert bad behavior by getting her excited and engaged in anything and everything you can.

But your consistent, reliable reactions are CRITICAL to this situation. Don't say something you aren't going to back up. Don't try to be all understanding and chatting when she is behaving inappropriately - save that for when she's under control again and you can talk privately. I know this sounds different but it really isn't ~ my 2.5-year-old charge never throws tantrums for me, but his mother has been working from home recently and he does when she is around. She crouches down, tries to coax him into standing up, then tries to help him stand up  talking to him soothingly the entire time, and his tantrums last for.freaking.ever. At least 10-15 minutes at the minimum. Today he melted down at lunch time (just before nap) and I simply picked him up, carried him (screaming) to his room, and began our nap time routine. He was laughing and content in under two minutes. Kids want to know that when they lose control, you won't. They want to know the world and the people in it are reliable and that your reaction to a specific action will always be the same. They don't want you to engage in constant negotiations over trivial or basic expectations. A firm and loving hand is essential for kids of all ages, not just toddlers, because new people will be continually in and out of their lives and they need a safe place to lose their sh!t with trusted adults.[/quote]

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