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[quote=Anonymous]MB here with a nanny about whom I would say many of the same things you've said here.  We are very lucky to have her, I trust her totally with our kids, she's been with us for 3 years, etc...

She also routinely buys too many things for our kids, talks about wanting them to stay with her overnight or go home with her at the end of the day, calls them her princess or her handsome boy, etc...   She has even, on occasion, pretty directly insinuated that she takes (or would take) better care of them than me and my husband.

I have had a couple of very direct conversations with her, during which she has acknowledged (and apologized for) overstepping her boundaries.

The whole dynamic bugs me, but it is also a price I've intentionally decided to pay when the flipside is the level of trust I have in her and the knowledge that my kids are being so well cared for.

But I would suggest a very direct, consistent, and documented approach.  "Dear Jane, I want to talk with you.  We have told you repeatedly that there are some things we want done (or not done) for the kids.  For isntance, not giving them sweets or ice cream - if we ask you not to do something, or to do it in a certain way, I need to trust that you will do as we ask.  I am also very uncomfortable with having you post photos of them on your facebook page and would appreciate you not doing so in the future.  We value you tremendously, and hope you are with us for a long time, but I'm sure you can understand that as the children's parents it is essential that they be cared for in the manner we choose. "

You get the idea.  I think a conversation like that will chill the waters, so you will also need to balance it with positive feedback and expressions of the things she does that you really appreciate and want to encourage.

But draw the boundaries, be clear about them, pick your battles, and stay consistent.  I think being firm about some of the easy low-hanging fruit (like the sweets, or the photos) will naturally inhibit some of the other stuff.  It's tough to tell someone they can't use pet names, but there will be less of the boundary breaching if the boundaries are higher.

Good luck.  I sooo understand this struggle.  Managing the balance between personal and professional with our nanny is one of the hardest management tasks I've ever had (and I've been managing people for a long time).[/quote]

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