Reply to Advice Needed from Host Families Adjusting to Lack of Privacy for the first time

Forum Index » Au Pair Discussion

Reply to "Advice Needed from Host Families Adjusting to Lack of Privacy for the first time"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I need some advice from those families who are dealing w/ hosting an AP for the first time.  I am a WOHM w/ a 2.5 yr old DD and #2 DC due in one week.

Last weekend, my cousin called me to tell me that she has been awarded a 1 yr fellowship in DC.  We live in Arlington.  When I mentioned that I was expecting #2, she seemed very surprised (she lives overseas and is on a student visa) as she hadn't heard from our mutual relatives who I speak to more frequently.  I get the feeling that she was hoping to live w/ us, but she wasn't explicit in her request once she heard my news.  She did mention how tight her finances were even with this fellowship.  After we got off the phone, I mentioned it to my DH and he seemed pretty open to the idea of her living w/ us--mainly b/c she could teach my DD another language.   When I brought up the privacy issue, he said we had already given up a lot of our privacy.  We currently have a nanny (40hrs/wk) and a housekeeping service that comes every two weeks.  He was pretty open to the idea that she could help us out a few hours a week (exposing our DD to another language and maybe some food prep) in exchange for free rent.

DH was pretty open to this as he said it could be a trial run of hosting an AP.  I am more conflicted for the following reasons:
1)  It's not clear when she would need to come to DC.  If it's June (assuming that her current lease might end in May), it would be during the first few months of DC#2's birth and I recall that period as being very chaotic and not too fun.   This time we would be doing it w/ a toddler.  (It might be different if the timing coincided w/ DC#2 being about 10 months old or so, which is when DD started to sleep more regularly through the night.  Before I had a kid, I did not even comprehend this, and I doubt my cousin who has very little exposure to young kids would know this either.)
2)  I really am an introvert and need my down time.  After DD goes to bed at 8, I usually decompress on my couch in the living room, and DH decompresses in his office.  (We will be consolidating our two offices into one, a few months after DC#2 transitions into his own room.  With only one spare bedroom, we would be w/o a dedicated office space for both of us. DH mentioned we might be able to tolerate this for a year.  I would put my desk in our bedroom and he might put his desk in our finished basement which currently stores extra gear and serves as an additional playroom for DD.)
3)  As my cousin is no longer in her 20s, I feel like she would be less likely to go out and be super social.  She's already visited DC a number of times (e.g., she stayed w/ me when I was in grad school one summer and saw all of the sights).  Plus her long-term boyfriend would be back in the midwest and so I doubt she'd be dating anyone either.  So I am not sure how much of a social life she would have.  Since she's family, she may assume that she can just hang out w/ us all the time if she felt like it.  She also comes from another culture where the older ones take responsibility for the younger ones, so she may revert to this.  She has in the brief times we have hung out when's she's visited me, etc.  It may feel like 2.5 kids, despite her actual age.
4) It could get really awkward if things don't work out, as she's family and not a stranger who we would not have to see again.  I guess I should stress that we are not really expecting a quid pro quid arrangement (e.g., you will work 10 hrs a week for us in exchange for free room and board.), but since she's overseas she may not fully appreciate how much she'd be saving even in exchange for say 5 hrs a week of helping us out w/ food prep and playing w/ DD to teach her another language.

Now that i've listed my reservations, I guess I should give more background as to why this isn't an easy "no" either.
1)  I am really fond of my aunt who was always the nicest of my mom's (deceased) siblings.  My cousin's dad died shortly after my mom did, and they've had a lot of financial set backs.  In my culture, it's not unheard of to help out family, and previously, when able to, I've always hosted family (albeit for a few months over the summer at most).
2) It really wouldn't be a financial drain for us but could be a huge difference for my cousin.  I've done some preliminary searches on Craigslist and it looks like it would save her a huge amount.  She doesn't drive and would need to be reasonably close to DC where her fellowship/classes are.
3) If it did work out, it could be great for my DD to get broader exposure to my culture.  Since my mom died, there's really no one to practice my second language with.  I didn't live overseas very long so my knowledge isn't as great, but my cousin is a native speaker.

Please give me your experiences with losing your privacy, particularly if you are an introvert like me and need space to decompress.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics