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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I'd stop engaging your son with regard to his constant questions about whether she's coming. Remind him you've already answered the question and the subject is closed since he can't even say why he doesn't like her. He gets your attention when he does this so there's no incentive to stop the meltdowns. [/quote]. Great idea, teach your child that his opinion is worthless, that he cannot actively participate in family decisions that directly effect him. [/quote]but he's not actively participating,  he's whining about it incessantly.  He won't say why he doesn't like her which means he is just being bratty and manipulative.  How many  times do you have to answer the exact same question before you just say I've already answered that,  don't ask again? [/quote]

He's four.  Engaging him might teach him how to effectively participate and to identify and articulate his feelings.  Shutting him down will not.

OP - I am sympathetic.  This is tough from every angle.  We've had babysitters who I really trusted but who DC burst into years at the sight of, and I had to stop using them because after a while it wasn't worth it.  This is a different situation, of course, but I think validating and exploring your child's feelings are really important.  When he gets anxious, can you turn the questions back around?  Why are you upset?  Why don't you want to see her?  Is it because you miss Old Nanny?  And then try to listen.  It could be that he is just missing his old nanny, in which case there are some good suggestions on how to handle it. It might be that he and new nanny are just a real bad personality fit and you may want to explore other options.  His feelings are valid in this, but I think it's not clear what those feelings actually are.[/quote]

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