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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I'd stop engaging your son with regard to his constant questions about whether she's coming. Remind him you've already answered the question and the subject is closed since he can't even say why he doesn't like her. He gets your attention when he does this so there's no incentive to stop the meltdowns. [/quote]

You sound kind of heartless. The child is hurting, the person who basically raised him is no longer in his life. [/quote]

Just because his feelings are real doesn't mean that focusing on those feelings in conversation is going to help.  The current system (answer his repetitive questions and engage endlessly on the subject) is driving OP crazy and doesn't appear to be helping her kid.  Doing something different is he only answer.

I agree, OP, that you should minimize the conversation about this, perhaps by instituting a calendar when he can readily see who will be caring for him.  Also let him know that if he has an idea for something he wants nanny to do/not do/do differently, you are happy to discuss and to help him talk to her about it, but that you are no longer answering questions as to whether she "has to" take care of him.  She is his new nanny.  Case closed.

As for fixing the problem, have you talked to the nanny about this?  How is his behavior for her?  Do the two of them ever get time to bond and do something fun together?  It's always hard to bond with the oldest, since that kid usually spends less time with a new nanny (school) and is most independent so demands less attention when home.  Ask her about their dynamic, see if you could wchedule time for her to have just him for a special project or outing, and I agree that directly addressing the real issue--loss of previous nanny will be more helpful than engaging him on his fake issue--dislike for new nanny.

You could certainly fire her and find someone new, but if the problem is that he wants old nanny back, all that will do is teach your kid that he is the boss of his new nanny (because he can get her fired), put the younger two through a transition which will make it harder for them to bond with the next nanny (because she's probably temporary too), and you will be back to square one soon enough.

If you think there is a genuine personality mismatch it might be worth it, but I would be very careful.

Also, how much time per week are kids spending with you/DH vs. School vs. Nanny?  The ratio can make a big difference in givig advice. [/quote]

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