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[quote=Anonymous]OP here, and I can see how my posting wasn't particularly clear so could lead to the question about the older child being jealous.  No, she isn't jealous at all.  What we are dealing with is that we think a male AP is better for our younger child, but our older child, being almost 12, really wants a female AP.  This is not something I take lightly: forcing a 12 year old girl to have a male AP.  On the other hand, her brother spends MUCH more time with the AP and relies on the AP much more, and in his case, it is a clear benefit for him to have a male.

But this isn't just a question of male-female.  I know there are many families who struggle to match with an AP who can meet multiple children's needs, and this doesn't always go as planned: for example, the AP who is great with babies but not with toddlers, and the parents have to choose which one needs the AP more.  Or the AP who is very sporty but less able to meet the needs of the quiet artist.  I'm wondering how people have wrestled with this calculus and would love to hear what others have done.[/quote]

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