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[quote=Anonymous]We've had two au pairs that worked in the mornings when I was around getting ready for work.  I made it very clear to everyone that she was in charge and that if they needed anything, they were to ask her.  I didn't step in and correct her or do something just to help.  I was very clear with both of them what their duties would be and that they should just act like I wasn't even there.

The one au pair never did get it.  She moped about it, I think didn't really understand what she was supposed to do, sat on the couch and waited for my direction for anything.  I would come downstairs from getting dressed, and she'd be sitting there with them running around in their PJs, nothing done.  The kids were whiny, clingy to me because the au pair was so mopey and not fun.  Obviously this didn't work out, and I stopped asking her to work these hours and then didn't ask her to extend even when she wanted to.

The other au pair jumped right in - prepped everything before they even came down, got everyone dressed right away, fed everyone, and then had plenty of time to reward them for getting ready quickly with some fun playtime.  The kids had no issue being clingy to me with this one.  She was awesome.

I guess what I'm saying is that for one, you need to be totally clear with what you need her to be doing and then reinforce that with your actions.  If the kids get clingy and want to be with you, expect her to grab them and take them out to the playground or something.  If they want you to take them to the potty, tell them "sorry, nanny is in charge right now" and let her do it.  Don't get caught up in trying to be helpful or feeling guilty - let your nanny do her job.

But also, there are going to be some people who no matter how clear you make it, just aren't going to be able to be initiative-taking and confident enough to do the job well when mom is around.  It doesn't sound like you're clear on which kind of person you have as a nanny, so you might figure this out on the job unfortunately.

And finally, if you do have the right type of person for this job, I would strongly recommend setting her days and hours now as best you possibly can.  Recognize that she'll probably want to find work on the other days/hours and that her time needs to be respected too.  Unless you're paying lots extra for maximum flexibility, expecting her to be flexible while you figure out what you want isn't really fair.

Best of luck![/quote]

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