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[quote=Anonymous]Okay, here's my thoughts - background: I have a 3yo charge and a 7yo charge, 2 days/week and also got to the end of my rope with the 7yo about 6 weeks ago. I was ready to tell a 7yo "I quit" because of her complaining and negative behaviour toward me. 3yo is super easy and sweet. She was driving me nuts, complaining, yelling and arguing about everything I asked.

1. I kept my boundaries the same.

2. I paid close attention to the things I was saying to her/asking of her. (Learned some good tips a few months ago in the book "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk"). (Using positive language, giving 2 options etc.)

3. I asked advice from a counsellor, who reminded me that she was acting out, and asserting herself for a reason. She suggested taking time to notice things (notice her, listen to her, take time to appreciate who she is) in not-tense moments. (example - I see you used the blue paint... is that your favourite color?, I see you picked your sparkly shirt - you must really like sparkles., asking for her opinions, etc.)

4. I invited her out for a "date-night" with me. I gave her a bunch of activities she could choose from (Painting, the movies, dinner at my house, shopping, etc.). (She chose dinner and a movie at my house). I made it special so she would see that I care about her too and she is treated differently, more grown-up than the little one. Yes, it 'cost' me. It was unpaid time, but worth it in making our relationship work better.

5. I've been leaving her notes that she will get before school, just reminding her that I am looking forward to seeing her after school, or enjoyed her company the day before etc. (She asked me why the little one wasn't getting notes, and I told her that I do other things with him, that this was something special for her. Again, I want her to know that there are differences, but both are cared for).

These things seem to have turned things around in a very short period, and she is much happier to comply with the things I ask of her. She now knows that she is important to me, even when I have more firm rules than her parents. I have been able to hold the line much more easily on my expectations and I am happier to spend time with her. I think she is also much happier to see me these days.

Those are just some suggestions that really helped me. Let us know how it goes. Good Luck![/quote]

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