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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In our case, our kids are in school all day so if we ended her work day when a parent came home, we would be using her about 25 hours per week tops during the school year.  While some folks have no heartburn doing that, [b]I don't want to feel like as soon as I get home from a long day at work she is shoving the kids at me to run to her room and skype[/b]. It also leaves it open that she eats with you but never actually pitches in to help more than putting her own plate in the dishwasher.  So we schedule her to be on duty until 7pm most days during the school year.  Tha way she is is working only around 30-35 hours per week, plus we feel free to ask her to either help with meal prep or keep the kids entertained while I do it.  I also make it clear that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up, the other 2 adults put away the leftovers and hand wash whatever needs it (occ pot or dishwasher overflow)  In the summer, we are already using every minute of her hours since she has the kids all day.  I still expect some help with meal prep and clean up if she's eating (set the table or put a salad together) but she's not on duty and if she chooses to skip dinner, so be it.

We give her a written schedule at least a couple weeks in advance so we all know exactly what time she is free to hide in her room or head out on the town with her friends.[/quote]

Do you see the irony here? You'd begrudge someone expecting you to be responsible for your own children when you get home? [/quote]

No,I expect that if I'm paying someone for 45 hours of work each week that I should be free to use those 45 hours to make life more manageable.  So having an additional adult around to either cook while I play with my kids, or to distract the kids so that I can get food on the table is one of the reasons that we even have an Au Pair.  And I think the fair way to handle that is to build those hours clearly into her schedule so that there is no question as to when she is working and when she is off.  And really, if you were paying for a pedicure, would you expect the nail technician to hand you the polish brush halfway through - after all, they are your nails and you're perfectly capable of painting them yourself! [/quote]

I see where you are coming from and take no issue with it IF its paid time while she is watching the kids as you prep dinner. I got the impression from OPs post that she expects the time clock to go off when she walks in the door, but also has the expectation that AP "help" in the evening, thinly veiled as being a member of the family. It sounds like OP would not be happy if her AP didn't regularly stay to hang out and help in the evenings, even though she intends for that time to be off the clock. Your post sounded as though you think this is a completely reasonable request, the difference being that you would be paying her while OP wouldn't. I think that if your AP voluntarily has week night dinners with you, she should by all means help out. What I think is messed up is the host family having the expectation that she have dinner and help out, while simultaneously being off the clock. [/quote]

I didn't get the sense that this was the OP's expectation at all.  I got the sense that she was just asking if folks with au pairs have similar relationships as her family did with their live-in nanny:  if the AP/nanny joins the family for a meal, which the OP and her family enjoy, then the AP helps out with the meal prep or clean up the same as any other participant in a family meal would.  The other responder who puts her AP on the clock through meal-time does it because she wants to be able to ask more than this of her AP during this time, e.g. actively help out with the kids while she preps the meal.  AND she has extra hours from her AP's 45 hours to use, and she chooses to use them in this way.  It sounds like this responder's AP has one of the more "cushy" AP schedules - even WITH being on duty through dinner while the parents are home, the AP is only on duty at most 35 hours per week, when she could be asked to work up to 45.[/quote]

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