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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is immature and self centered.  Whatever you do, don't tough out the year with her or you will be ready to kill her by the 11th month.  It's no way for either of you to spend the year.  Sit her down now and tell her that she needs to learn that in America, when someone asks you how your day went, the answer is "fine, and yours?" unless something really bad happens.  Give examples, vomiting illness, car accident, boyfriend dumps you, etc  Minor annoyances are of no interest or concern to anyone.  And tell her that for every minor annoyance she brings up, she needs to mention two fun/pleasant moments in the day.  Remind her that every time she complains, she is basically telling you that she hates her job, her life with your family and spending her day with your kids.  She should easily be able to see how that would make a HM/employer not feel great about continuing the relationship.  Then give her a couple weeks and if it doesn't get better, rematch.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

OP here.  I appreciate ALL the advice, but I don't think I agree with this at all.  I think if that were to be the discussion I was having, then I'm basically sending her the signal that A) I really don't care if she's sad/annoyed/etc.; and B) she should not tell me when bad things happen with the kids.  I think this is really dangerous.

One of the up-sides of the negativity is that she actually tells me when the kids do something bad.  They DO occasionally misbehave.  And because I don't think her child care skills are stellar, I WANT her to tell me what they did, how she handled it, and whether her approach worked.  This is the only way, I think, to try to get us all on the same page.  Don't you think?

So, I agree that perhaps some type of discussion is in order before I hit my limit -- but really how should that discussion go?  At the end of the day, she's immature.  That's no crime.  Perhaps she'll still grow.  Perhaps she'll even grow this year.  And, she really is not a bad person.  I don't want to crush her into oblivion with a heavy-handed discussion about how she's complaining too much.  I think it sends the wrong message that I don't care about her and what is going on in her life.  Actually, I do care.  I just wish she had a little better perspective.  Sometimes I think she acts like she is 15 or 16.[/quote]

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