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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would an AP or nanny want to have dinner with you when it is obvious that all you want is a maid.  [/quote]

I am the OP, and I understand why the PP has said this.  However, I think in general au pairs are meant to be a part of the family and indeed would be unhappy to be left out of family meals (e.g. you go sit in the kitchen and have dinner apart from the family/figure out your own meals). Certainly our live-in nanny previously would not have been happy with not being included, and we were so incredibly lucky that in addition she went out of her way to help with meal prep and clean-up, to the point that we sometimes had to ask her *not* to clean up as we felt guilty, and luckily she took us at our word and would stop and make sure to have more time for herself. We frequently gave her bonuses and tried to be thoughtful in general as she was so amazing.

While it is certainly great to have some extra help at mealtimes, there is a lot more to it than that. We found with our live-in nanny it was just nice to all have a meal together and the kids loved it. My daughter is almost 6 and although she has had fantastic live-out nannies for the last two or so years she is super excited to have someone live in again as it feels like having a bigger family. And if a nanny or anyone else is having dinner with the family on a regular basis then a bit of help with prep and clean up does seem appropriate. Plus if that is the understanding from the start then I don't see why it should be a problem.

Thanks so much for all the feedback so far!

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