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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -- would you believe she's in her 50s?  I think she is sort of looking for "insta-family", where she can have that kind of role.  Unfortunately, we're not it.  Thanks for the advice.

Follow-up question -- if we hire a new nanny and he/she asks what happened to the old one, what would you say?[/quote]

9:52 here.  If you hire a new nanny then you need to be direct and clear when you're hiring about anything that is non-negotiable for your household.  You and your spouse will be FAR better positioned to judge a candidate who seems to agree w/ your general approach than you were with the last hire.  But you ask questions that will get at whether you're on the same page (What do you think is the best way to handle evolving nap/sleep schedules?  What kind of discipline have you found to be most effective, or are you most comfortable with? Etc...)  You can also have a trial period of a day or two (paid) when the candidate you think you're going to hire spends some time in your home with you and your child.  After that you have the chance for another conversation "What would you recommend doing differently?  What would you change? "  Etc...  That will tell you a lot.

Re what to say about the previous hire - be honest but considerate.  She didn't end up being the best fit for us.  Over time we realized our approaches were fairly different.  Etc...  The right person for you will be someone who would not behave the way your current nanny is acting, so if you shared that the prior nanny seemed to criticize everything from your decor to your household rules, I think any candidate would understand.  But you're the one hiring - you need to feel more empowered that you're sounding.  If this current nanny doesn't work you're allowed to make a change.  You are not obligated to defend that decision to future candidates or anyone else.  This is about the right choice for your family, not about anyone being a horrible person, so you can handle it professionally and appropriately.  But you're in charge, whoever is working for you.

Good luck.[/quote]

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