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[quote=Anonymous]Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me.  But if you want, you could try to have a very direct, calm, conversation with her.

"Jane, we need to talk to you about something.  You take great care of our son, and are doing a great job with _____.  However there is something that we're not comfortable with and we'd like to talk with you about changing that.  You have a lot of suggestions about how we might do things differently (give lots of specific examples).  While we certainly want to have your input on matters pertaining to X's care, we also need you to respect our wishes regarding decisions about our diet, our household maintenance or decor choices, and when/where/what we allow our son to eat.  It is important that all of us are on the same side and that you are comfortable following our wishes with regard to the care of X.  Therefore, when we feel that we are being constantly criticized it concerns us.  Are you able to respect our decisions?  Are you able to respect our right to make our household choices, set rules for our son, decide our own diet, etc...?"

Then you see what she says and how she reacts.  I wouldn't be terribly optimistic - I think you need someone who is a better fit.  But maybe she'll be able to moderate her behavior.

In my experience, these kinds of things seem to get harder as the kid"s) get older.  There are more decisions to make about behavioral approaches, daily activities, discipline, sleep/nap/crib-bed, etc...   I'm going through this with our beloved nanny now and even with someone we cherish it's still tough.

Good luck, whichever way it goes.[/quote]

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