Reply to Critical/judgmental AP...does it get any better?

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[quote=Anonymous]Try not to take the criticisms personally.  I am married to a foreign national and have had some of the same conversations (and insulted/hurt feelings) over the years (with my DH, in-laws, etc).  The "fatness" of Americans and the "unhealthiness" of A/C are big ones.  The reality is that your nationality is tied up with your identity and you may find yourself feeling defensive in responding to these criticisms.

One thing I would point out is that as Americans we have been brought up not to call someone "fat" since it has a derogatory connotation.  There easily is a language issue here - in some European countries, there aren't the same sensitivities connected to using the word "fat".   Your AP may not realize how rude this sounds.  Also, I don't know where your AP is from, but obesity rates (including childhood obesity rates) are climbing everywhere - including in the most "healthy" of European countries.  And trust me, there is plenty of junk/unhealthy food in Europe too.  You could always ask a question: "Oh, is it different in your country?  I thought I read that this is a growing problem in your country too."

On the A/C point, I think a little sympathy tempered with some realism works best as a response.  For instance, "yeah, I know, I hate it when I go to the movies in the summer and it's so cold in there that I feel like I'm going numb, I don't know why they do that.  But, of course, wait till you are on a Metro train when the A/C isn't working - then you wish it was blasting!"

I think these criticisms are part of the normal process of adjusting to a new culture.  The other thing is that your AP won't have looked at her own culture with the same critical eye.  Ask her questions about back home.  As the year goes on, she will start to identify things that she's discovered her that are "better" than back home.  And if it makes you feel any better, her family and friends back home will probably be subjected to an amped-up version of this in reverse when she returns.  In the US, they do x, y, z thing better.

I totally sympathize with you, some of my worst fights with DH started with a comment about fat Americans or something like that.  Just try not to take it personally.

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