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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks, 10:51.  I think you've hit the nail on the head with why I'm struggling with this - it shows a lack of maturity, judgement, and self-awareness that she's even asking so frequently and at really bad times.  She'll ask me as soon as I get in the door or when I'm sitting there with guests that just came into town.  Or when I'm in the middle of making dinner with the toddler at my feet after working all day.

She knows the terms we matched on and she sees DH and I taking the Metro or walking almost every day.  When we have a date to the same downtown area she goes to, we walk.  When we run a quick errand, we Metro.  When we take the kids to an activity, we Metro.  I guess I was hoping she'd see that, realize that a family will have a need for the car being generally available for emergencies and classes and stuff, and stick to our original terms.

So I don't feel like sitting her down and leveling with her will make her understand - she'll just feel like I'm being restrictive.  And it's difficult to set specific rules for when she can have the car, so she'll see my "rules" as arbitrary - it's not that she can't take it more than once a week or only after a specific time or anything like that.  I just need her to be aware of what she's asking and able to assess her own NEED for the car instead of just a WANT.

[/quote]

Hmm, if you do feel that the underlying issue is a lack of maturity and self-awareness, and that leaks into other aspects of the relationship or childcare, there could be more of a problem here and the car is just the most frequent/irritating reminder of that.

But if you generally don't have frequent talks with this AP about issues that arise generally, then it still might help to have a sit-down with her about this issue and the relationship generally.  As a newbie hostmom, I know I felt the same - that I KNEW how my AP would react, so what's the point.  But, I have actually been pleasantly surprised.  We had a totally different issue, but a similar situation with one AP a few APs back.  We had some specific rules about house-guests - not restrictive, but specific.  This AP on a few occasions asked us to have guests in a manner that she knew was not how we wanted things done - in last-minute situations, or while we were away that made us feel like we'd be real jerks to say no.  So we said "yes," but felt resentment that she put us in that situation.  But the second or third time this occurred, we said "yes," but then insisted we have a conversation about it.  We explained where we were coming from, and why our rules were the way they were.  This opened up some lines of communication between us, and we did not have this problem anymore.  (This AP, while showing great judgment with our children, did have some maturity-issue aspects in her interpersonal relationships with adults in her life.)[/quote]

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