Reply to Nanny is great with baby, but not great with 3 year old. Will she get better?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your comments.  I had a discussion with my nanny this morning.  She brought up the issue because my 3 year old had gone to the fridge and opened FOUR yogurt containers just for fun. Apparently, nanny told her to stop and she did it anyway and nanny didn't force the issue.  It is another example of how nanny doesn't enforce any discipline or guidance with DD, but it was an excellent jumping off point for a discussion about discipline, etc.  It seems that nanny has been reluctant to discipline her because they just became friends (DD really disliked her at first because nanny was really close to the baby and I think DD was (a) very jealous, and (b) felt very ignored/marginalized by nanny).  Last week, I spoke to Nanny about engaging DD and getting on good terms with one another, and Nanny implemented some of my suggestions and they've had a much better rapport this week.  So nanny avoided discipline because she didn't want to lose that ground.  So we had a discussion about providing guidance and being firm, but still loving and fun.  I gave her very concrete examples of how I would have handled the yogurt situation.  I pointed out that DD is testing her because she knows nanny lets her get away with stuff, and that she needs to tighten up the rules for both of their sakes. I could tell that Nanny really tried to implement some of my suggestions this afternoon (for example, I told her how she can be firm about what needs to happen, and yet give options that allow DD to still feel in control. "OK, DD, it's time for you to eat lunch now. Do you want PB&J or Maccaroini?").  I'm relieved that she seems to be trying to learn, but I'm still a little disheartened that it is NOT at all intuitive for her. I feel like I should not have to micromanage her relationship with DD.  However, I'm pleased that she was trying to improve, so I'll continue to work with her and hope that the improvement continues.  Like I said, she's really sweet and wonderful and I'd feel terrible letting her go...but I wish I had hired someone with better toddler experience from the beginning.

any other suggestions are welcome. [/quote]

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