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[quote=Anonymous]So the nanny finally acquiesced today to take my dd1 to the park to her playgroup. Of course, she insisted on walking rather than taking my car (long story - whole nother post). Anyway, on the way home they passed a free pile in a garage sale and saw a kids' bike. My dd, who is three, has a trike and her father and I had no plans to get her a bike in the next year or so. She is not ready developmentally for a bike, even a small one with training wheels. Not to mention the fact that, 1. we know nothing about this particular bike, its history, its safety, etc., 2. I know nothing about the brands of bikes, which is safest, who uses lead paint, etc., and 3. A first bike, IMO, is a parent's prerogative, NOT something a nanny gets to do.

So, I explained all of this to the nanny, and she said she had told dd1 that if it was not ok, she would be taking the bike away. I explained that this cast me as the bad guy, as I was the one saying it was not ok. She became defensive, and said I didn't need to "beat it into her," that she wouldn't drag anything more home ever again because she obviously didn't have good judgment (her words not mine, not that I disagree), that there was nothing more that she could do, I couldn't change the past, yada yada yada, and that she would take the blame for taking the bike away. Well, yeah, but what I don't think she realized is that she has a way of framing nearly every issue so that she doesn't actually take the blame, and I suspect that this will be no different.

This is not the first time there has been an issue like this, BTW, but it is the first time I have made an issue of it. She has given the baby citrus without asking first, she routinely moves the furniture around, reorganizes toys, puts knives/dishes in different places, etc. Just stuff that I don't appreciate because I am sort of anal, and because I think it is overstepping the bounds of an employee/employer relationship. She also brings the kids stuff frequently that I don't like/don't approve of, but it has been little things, and usually I just keep my mouth shut or, if it is something big, I tell her we don't have room and suggest it just visit our house when she is here, which has been fine with her.

So, and I know this is getting really long (sorry), but the bottom line now is that, assuming this issue spins out the way I foresee, and DH and I end up being the ones taking the blame for the bike leaving the premises tonight, I am not sure what to do with her. On the one hand, my kids love her and they are safe with her - she is very patient, very gentle, and on the whole very loving, at least to my kids. Unfortunately she seems to feel the need to show her love with stuff, which I can understand, but is something we are trying to discourage. On the other hand, there are a whole host of little issues that are bugging the crap out of me with her. I would very much like to make a change, but I also know, realistically, that finding a nanny for the 16 hours a week that I need one will be a challenge, and she is likely the cream of the crop for what our employment needs are at this time. I feel stuck, and I don't like feeling stuck - my first instinct is to rebel by doing something I may later regret. Sigh. WWYD?[/quote]

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