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[quote=Anonymous]So, I work for an MB who is the sole earner (DB has a chronic medical issue and works part time from home and basically can't manage kids alone).  She works 70 hours a week on a light week.  I know that she is busy and stressed and exhausted.  I have been with them 3 1/2 years under the same circumstances.  I used to work 65 hours a week, but now youngest is in preschool 26 hours per week, so I have dropped down to 40 hours, and have gone back to school.  I am fine with this arrangement, but...

Communication has always been an issue between MB and I.  She thinks that I am over-sensitive, and I think that she is incredibly rude.  (Example, I made dinner for the family last week and she came in and said, "Wow.  I am actually looking forward to eating this."  I stared at her blankly and she backpedaled and said, "Um...not that I'm not normally excited to eat what you make, I just meant it looked good."  I get that she just doesn't think before she speaks, but she can be very critical/negative, and that aspect of her communication style does wear on me.  That said, It's been 3 1/2 years, so I am sort of over it.  The bigger issue is that she never makes time to talk to me about what's going on with the kids, make clear assignments about who is handling a given task, etc.  I do a lot of stuff for the household.  I plan, shop for, and prepare all the meals the kids eat 5 days a week, including making dinner for the entire family.  I make a weekly dry-cleaning run.  I known what's going on with kid's teachers and school and make sure they have supplies they need.  I take the kids to most of their doctor appointments (they have a chronic condition too--unrelated to DB--so these are every month or so) and keep tabs on what we need to do treatment-wise.  I sort, wash, dry, fold, put away, rotate, and shop for all of the kids' clothes.

What frustrates me is that I did all these tasks and basically just ran the household when I was working 65 hours a week.  Now that my hours are cut back and I have other things taking my time, I feel that my duties need to change to reflect that.  I am actually fine doing all the specific tasks I just listed.  The problem is the "implied" tasks.  For example, the preschooler is still in pull-ups for naps and bedtime.  MB put her kids to be 5 nights a week.  She has just as much chance as I do to notice that they are running low, and she shops once a week, so she could pick some up while she's out.  Instead, if they are out, she gets annoyed that she had to actually keep tabs on something.  I am working 40 hours a week and doing a ton of stuff!  I don't have time to be the pull-up fairy, too!  Here's a specific example.  The kids have a prescription drug they take daily.  Before they left town for Christmas, I noticed they were running low and tried to talk to MB about it, to figure out how to get more before their trip.  I told her we were on the last box (each one lasts a week) and that we would need more before their trip.  She was distracted, and we didn't get to finish the conversation.  The next day I found another box, so we had enough for their trip and for the first few days back.  The night before the trip, as she went through their suitcases (which I had packed) she said, "Did you get more of their medicine?"  I told her that there was enough packed for the trip, and that "we" would have to call the doctor for more as soon as they got back.  The week they got back I was busy unpacking, dealing with kids out of school, etc.  The Saturday after their trip, she called me in a panic because they didn't have any medicine and asked several times "How could we run out without anyone telling me?!"  I did tell her!  I told her TWICE!  But because it is kid-related, she just assumed that I would take care of it, so she didn't bother to actually listen.

I have begged her to schedule a time every week or two that we can talk (so that she might actually listen and remember anything I say) and she promises to change, but then never follows through.  I try to bring things up at transition times, and she will appear to be listening and even respond, but then a few days later will say "Why didn't you tell me about that?"  Or, my favorite, "I never said that.  You're putting words in my mouth!"  No.  I was there.  That is literally what you said.  When I was working 65 hours, if something came up that needed to be done and I couldn't get her to talk about it, I would just take care of it, but I don't have time for that right now.  I need her to be at least somewhat tuned in to what's happening with kids, and I don't know how to make that happen.[/quote]

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