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[quote=Anonymous]
Hi, OP.  We're on our second au pair and I've come to realize that dealing with these kind of issues sort of goes into three categories - one is knowing yourself and your needs and picking an au pair you think is going to match with you on these "little" things that are very important to you, the next is letting the little things go based on your au pair's personality, and the third is to insist on things (allowing for rare mistakes) and explain why they are important.

So, firstly, if you are someone who is a very neat person, then put this in your letter, your application, and ask your potential au pairs about their own neatness.  Don't be worried about scaring people off - the ones that get scared based on you telling them you keep a neat house are the ones that don't feel similarly.  We have similar expectations in our house for all family members.  Basically, everyone cleans up after themselves pretty much immediately and we do a total clean-up at the end of each day.  I do it myself (this is absolutely key!), I remind the kids to do it when they don't, I expect my au pair to do it.  I told candidates that when we were matching this second time and found that our newish au pair is a similarly neat and tidy person.

Secondly, with the au pair you have, decide which things are deal breakers and make sure she understands why.  In terms of electricity usage, show her your bill, tell her how much it costs to leave a light on all day, let her know that it's really really important to you to conserve energy and tell her exactly what you would like to see.  Even apologize for being nit-picky if you feel like you need to, but joke that it's just you and it would really help you out.  And again, make sure you're doing these things yourself.  Put up notes about safety issues, tell her that when she puts the knives away wrong, you stab yourself (or whatever the reason is).  But make sure there is a reason for what you are asking.

And finally, some of these things you're going to have to accept just aren't important to other people.  They're important to me, so I agree with you, and would happily put the spoons back correctly in your house if you asked me to.  But you have to admit at some point that many people just seriously don't even consider that putting your coat on a chair would be offensive or would both someone.  I've had to accept some things with my family already - like with coats, everyone always puts their coats on the stair rail when they get home instead of hanging them up.  To them, they're going to use the coat again in a couple of hours, why not just leave it there?  Drives me insane, ut it's something I don't have a clear reason for and I have to just let it go.  Not worth fighting about.  I like things in their place at all times, but most people aren't like that.

Au pairs take up a TON of time.  That's one of the things that bothers me when people say that people get au pairs just because they're cheap.  For one, they're not cheap.  But secondly, what you're saving in money versus a nanny, you are more than spending in your own time and irritation :)  That's why I would never recommend an au pair just for someone who wants to save some money on child care.  You have to want the cultural exchange and the getting to know and accept a young adult.

Best of luck!
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