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[quote=Anonymous]Me w/ the twins again.  The whole nanny/boss relationship is pretty tricky.  I'm a year in and still figuring it out, and if I were starting all over I'd do a few things differently, especially as I'm learning what my own triggers are.

I'm learning that it's better for everyone if I am direct and honest (gently) as soon as I have a concern about something.  Also, to frame it in the context of our rules for our kids, as opposed to anything we are worried about or dislike in her.  I just went through this w/ an issue last night and I started with my new mantra - "we think you're great, I totally trust you with my children, I am so glad you are our nanny, etc...   Sometimes you and I do things differently and that's ok because I trust you.  But I need to talk to you about something..."

The earlier you set the ground rules the better (we all start taking things more personally as relationships developed - moms included) so it sounds like you're still in the getting to know you stage - which is great.  I tried to be too laid back in the beginning and, on day 3, discovered that there was one thing about which I was totally non-negotiable and I had a fit when the nanny violated it.  But I had never said that it was a non-negotiable, I don't even think I mentioned it at all because it seemed so obvious to me.  But it wasn't to her and I needed to tell her.  Once I was clear we never had the issue again and it was a really important lesson to me about clearly spelling out my expectations so the nanny at least has a chance to meet them before I lose my cool.

So I guess part of the trick is knowing what the really important things are, and what you can work around.  Can you ignore what your nanny eats if you trust what she is giving your son to eat?  (And, of course, can you trust her to feed him as you direct.)  If she respects your rules for him then whatever her choices are for herself don't matter as much, at least not right now.

I put up w/ all sorts of quirkiness because I know our nanny provides excellent, loving care.  But it is a challenge and I frequently have to give up some control - which isn't easy for me.   Every managerial skill and - at least as importantly - every relationship skill I've learned in life is being practiced in handling/building/maintaining my relationship with our nanny.  It's exhausting!  But if you generally are happy w/ this nanny so far try to focus on that.  I watched my sister and so many friends go through nanny nightmares w/ stealing, lying, unreliability, etc... that I remind myself all the time how lucky I am to have none of those concerns.

My wish for you is that your concerns about her eating habits are the biggest issue you face!   :-)  Good luck!

(Sorry to ramble on - clearly this kind of stuff is on my mind!)[/quote]

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