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[quote=Anonymous]We have had two au pairs in our smallish house (I think it's 1,800 square feet).  The AP bedroom is on the same floor as ours and right across the hall, we all share a bathroom, and we don't have a separate TV area.  It's taken a level of extra openness and consideration, but honestly, it's worked completely fine.  We're a pretty open family anyway though, so for example, it never a single time would bother me if I were watching TV and she came down and joined.

With an AP in a small house, you really have to think of her not as some separate person that you don't want around when she's not working or as a guest that you need to keep entertained, but as a true member of the family.  You need to feel comfortable being in the same room as her in the evenings, being yourself, talking if you want to, but not worrying about silence if you don't feel like talking.  You have to be able to be "alone" even if you have someone else there with you (which in a small house, is true even of your husband or kids, not just an AP).

You also have to be considerate, which may be inconvenient at times.  For example, if the TV is right next to her bedroom, then no, your husband can't watch TV at all hours of the night at normal volume.  But he could get wireless headphones.

And don't listen to the PP who said that AP's should only be welcome in "happy families" where the parents never fight.  I'm assuming you don't mean you're on the verge of divorce and having screaming arguments every week.  I assume you mean the normal back and forth that spouses have on ocassion and I think you would be hard-pressed to find a truly constantly "happy family".  My husband and I have a very good marriage, but once a month or so, we'll have "discussions" of disagreements.  We are always civil, but of course, keep it away from the kids anyway, and so it's not so difficult to keep it away from an au pair.

If you do want to have date nights watching TV at home while she is with the kids, you would simply say that.  You would need to have somewhere else she can be with the kids - I'm not clear if she could be upstairs somewhere with them?  But you could say  "We have you scheduled for 6-11pm this Friday night and DH and I are planning to have dinner out and then come home to watch a movie.  Would you please help us keep the kids upstairs during our 'date'?"

But if you're just wanting to put the kids to bed and then stay up watching TV yourselves and it's right next to her room, it seems like that would be easy to just do when she's out (which should be frequently anyway after she starts making friends).

Anyway, it can certainly be done, but you have to really think about whether you can truly be open and considerate (and expect the same of her of course).  You also have to be explicit about the circumstances when you're matching.  There are probably some au pairs that this will work better with than others - maybe ones that have had lots of siblings or lived in a small house themselves?[/quote]

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