Nanny here! I literally worked for a family raising their 6 year old daughter for the past 6 years. I did everything for this family. Mom and dad aren’t married they basically live their own lives and don’t get along. When the pandemic hit they asked me to become a live in because they didn’t want me to take public transportation to work and I agreed. I don’t have any children or boyfriend or husband so I agreed. Big mistake!! They argued all day and night physically fight, curse each other out I often found myself separating some of their fights. They’ll use their child against each other. It was just a huge depressing mess. I only stayed because the little girl was and still is very attached to me. The mom can be nice sometimes other times mean and nasty. Coming down to the end of my time with them ( school started in September and she went off to school) they had this huge fight and the mom asked the dad to leave her house as she would always do and this one time he just let her have it. The child started screaming guys stop so I had to ask him to please stop yelling he turned to me and said “f off” I was like you can’t be serious. That was the last time I spoke to that man. Coming down to the end of the job my last day to be exact I let my promise to the child and saw her off to school on her first day. Her mom paid me for the week and gave no severance like she promised until I mentioned it. Now I’ve been a nanny for 18 years and after you’re done with the family they thank you at least. These people didn’t. I put my pride aside and went downstairs to say my goodbyes to the dad his response was “what do you want” I said well I just wanted to say I’m leaving now, he responded “ok I’m sure we will see you again.” By that time I’m holding in my tears the mom gave me my pay called me an Uber. I hugged her she told me “come on you are messing up my makeup.” I left I didn’t get a thank you, a reference letter NOTHING. I worked in an environment that was so unhealthy, I worked through a pandemic having lost family, friends crying in my room with no one asking if I’m ok. I stayed because I felt sad for their little one, I remember one fight they had in the middle of the night and she crawled in my bed for cuddles smh. I stuck it out for her sake and it’s a month later and I’m still texting her to give me a reference letter. Her response is always the same “work is so busy but no worries I’ll work on it this week,” and I won’t hear from her again. I’m sad because these people told me constantly “you’re like family to us” I don’t just do childcare I took care of all of them. I was a nanny, hairdresser, confidant, shoulder to cry on, a friend, sister. I was everything to these people for six long years and with my background in childcare I could’ve and should’ve left but my heart wouldn’t let me. I’m depressed because of how I was treated in the end. But who am I to complain right. I’m only a nanny/the help. |
OP, your post is an excellent example of why when a Nanny realizes that her bosses are crazy - she should leave immediately.
No exceptions. Because the longer a Nanny stays w/a toxic work environment, the more difficult it will be to leave for good later on down the road. I am so sorry you got stuck w/such mean + inconsiderate bosses. They are so unappreciative of all you have done for them and I understand your sadness at how your position ended. However please keep in mind that this is ALL on them. The parents are obviously miserable w/their lives & their treatment of you is in no way a reflection of you as a (good) person. People like them tend to be focused only on themselves unfortunately. They are very selfish and it is very sad to me that their daughter has to endure this chaotic home life. ;( Know that you are a gem of a Nanny. Definitely worth your weight in gold. You stayed longer than necessary because you care for this little girl immensely. This speaks volumes on your character. |
I’m sorry, OP. I hope you can see that poor child from time to time. You sound like the only stability in her life. |
It's totally common to write your own reference letter and send it as a draft to your boss to edit and sign. |
Thanks for the kind responses. The mom still calls me as if nothing happened and it’s only because the little girl is having a hard time not seeing me everyday. So she’ll FaceTime me to tell me about her day. Though her parents did me wrong, I could never ignore her call. Thankfully I have wonderful references from families I’ve worked for in the past and I can still count on them for a reference. |
Wow. Sorry to hear you worked for this family and also for the way they are letting you go. Really sad that they don't appreciate at all; all what you have done for their family and their little girl. And most sad that she just ignore everyday and avoid to make you letter that you clearly deserve. Hopefully you can forget them soon; and just remember your little girl with lots of love. |
That poor kid. |
OP write your own reference letter and ask her to sign it. Most people will want to talk
To her in person/phone anyway. |
Sad |
That really is sad. I feel bad for you OP and the child as well. Hugs. |
Please try to visit that little girl frequently. You’ll be fine, OP, but she won’t be. It’s heartbreaking.
And if you trust her, just use her as a reference after you get your next job. |
if you are looking for a new role- I know a lovely colleague of mine looking for a nanny who would really appreciate you |
Find a new job. Child is not your responsibility. |
You sound like a bitter nanny that lacks empathy. |
+1000 |