Dealing with two work from home parents
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Anonymous
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I have been with my current family for almost 9 years and the job started as an occasional mom worked from home situation. At the time there was only one child, and I actually enjoyed when the mom worked from home because she would help with bottle feeding, naps, diapers, etc. And we could chat while the baby napped, or she would often let me leave early, with pay, if he was taking his long afternoon nap and she was done with work.
Fast forward to 7 years and 2 kids later, and for the past 1.5 years I have found myself in a 3 kids with both parents working from home situation, and it is so difficult! The MB's home office is upstairs, and the DB's is downstairs; so unless they are away on business or out doing errands, we are confined to the main level of the house for the entire 8/9 hour day. And this leaves the kids bedrooms and the playroom off limits for a majority of my week. If it's nice weather I can take them outside, but in NY the weather does not always cooperate. Luckily the two older kids are in school for most of the day, but when they get home from school, (or even worse, if they have a day of or summer break) it is complete mayhem! It is impossible to keep all three kids quite. They are all fighting for my attention, fighting with eachother, unable to find something to do together because of the big age gaps. Not to mention that these kids don't know the meaning of "inside voices". And it's not always because they are misbehaving. A lot of times they are playing nicely, but start getting too loud because they are laughing and having fun. But with both parents in confrence calls all day, even this is too disruptive for them. Several times a week the kids will get so loud and out of control that either MB or DB will have to shout at the children to "shut up", or will text me on my cell from their office asking me to keep them quiet. It's completely embarrassing and makes me feel useless. I feel like the only way to keep them quiet is to let them watch tv or play on their iPads, but then I feel like I look lazy when the parents see all 3 kids staring at screens. This is not the way I like to work, but I feel like I have run out of ways to keep them occupied and quiet. Are the parents being unreasonable when expecting me to be able to keep them all quiet of hours at a time? I have even gotten in trouble for letting them get too loud while playing outside! |
Anonymous
| These parents are absolutely being unreasonable. Either have that discussion with them BOTH, or time to move on. This nonsense will keep tearing you apart if you continue to allow it. GL. |
Anonymous
+1 they are completely unreasonable. (Fwiw, I'm a MB who works from home 3x a week). If they aren't providing after school activities to keep them out of the house, then they need to adjust their schedule or expectations. |
Anonymous
| The time to try to correct for this was two children ago. Honestly, I would just move on. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I have spoken to MB several times about how difficult it is to keep the kids quiet, especially when we are all confined to one floor of the house, and she is very understanding but offers no solution other than to put the tv on or let them play video games. They don't blame me for the kids being too loud, and they often apologize to me when they hear that the kids are not listening to my pleas to be quiet. But even though they don't seem mad at me, it still makes me feel bad that I am unable to keep them from disturbing their parents. I can't even send them to their rooms because the bedrooms are adjacent to MBs office!
I am very stressed out because I feel like after 9 years I am now failing as a nanny. Their needs have changed and I am unable meet the new requirements. They are ok with me just plopping them in front of the tv, but it makes me feel useless and ineffective. I'm not sure what to do because I love this family and don't want to leave, but it's exhausting trying to keep the kids calm and quiet for hours at a time! |
Anonymous
| Do some research on indoor activities. Library? Skating? Schedule at least one every day. |
Anonymous
| Your hourly rate should be a minimum of $150/hr! |
Anonymous
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You said the older two kids are in school for most of the day so really you are talking about just three hours a day when you have all three kids at once? I can see how if they are off from school, filling up a whole day can be quite a task, but three hours should not be that tough. First of all, the two older kids are in school all day, which means they are old enough to read and have homework. You can devote an hour (or two 30 minute slots) to quiet time when they do homework, read, etc. And yes, kids need play time to burn up energy and sitting in a living room all day will not cut it. I am from NYC and here are things kids would do on a rainy day in my old neighborhood:
1. Museum suitable for children (e.g., Children's Museum). Family might need to pay for a membership, but definitely worth it if you go regularly. 2. Playdates with kids who live in buildings that have playrooms. Not only is this free, but the kids can run amok and wear themselves out. 3. Barnes & Noble kids' section. (Free) 4. Library, either in kids' section or for story time. (Free) 5. Bookstore story times. (Free) 6. Indoor play spaces. These tend to be really expensive, whether you pay a membership or drop-in, but there are some, for example, held at local churches, where it's just a few bucks. If I were the MB and wanted the kids out of my hair so I could work, I would suggest playdate 1x a week (or more), indoor play space 1x a week, museum 1x weekly or biweekly, storytime/bookstore 1x a week. That is 3-4 days a week you've got covered. Plus, something is not adding up to me. This family is well-off enough that they live in a multi-level home, so my guess, a townhouse. Why don't the two older kids have after school activities at least 1-2 times a week? Why aren't they having after school playdates? I just don't see how parents of a certain milieu as these seem to be would have their kids sit in front of a TV or iPad all afternoon when there is so much for them to do in a city like NYC. |
Anonymous
| She said NY, it doesn't have to be New York City. |
Anonymous
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Thank you for the suggestions. We are in upstate NY, not NYC, so taking the kids out to do activities would require me to drive as nothing is within walking distance. And this family is somewhat uptight about who drives the kids and they do not let me drive them anywhere, so leaving the house really isn't an option. And the kids are 2, 6, and 11, so it is very difficult to find an activity that all three can agree to do together because of the differences in age.
And it isn't a townhouse, it's a 5 bedroom home with a finished basement. 1 of the 5 bedrooms was converted into an office and the basement is half playroom half office. |
Anonymous
This. Why not move on, OP? It's time. |
Anonymous
In that case, I don't think this is the right job for you. |
Anonymous
| After 9 years they still don't trust you to drive the kids anywhere!?!? What do you do all day? This sounds horrible! |
Anonymous
Perhaps it'd be the "right fit" for you. 
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nannydebsays
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Throw the issue back at them. If parents insist on working at home, they either need to grow up and deal with kid noise or soundproof their offices.
"MB/DB, I want to ask you for your ideas on how to keep your kids quiet when they are home and you are working. I have exhausted my box of tricks, and I know none of us enjoy it when you are screaming at the kids to be quiet. How can I help you work in peace and quiet? I have noticed that the best way to get your kids to be quiet is to allow them all screen time. Is that your preference?" Throw it back at them, stop beating yourself up, and start looking for a new position. |