Anonymous wrote:If you have always worked in the best interest of our charge, OP (which sounds like you have) then don't stop now. It will probably be better for you to handle the orientation with him (with his parents at times) but you are his weekday caregiver and it is your time with him that needs to transition.

I disagree 100% that a child needs a "clean break". In my mind that is abandonment and the toddler cannot possibly understand. He will not remember you or the circumstance but will remember feeling sad and missing you (or anyone who leaves their lives).



You never know what will happen in the future, OP. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to work in the best interest of your charge.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:If it's 3 weeks until orientation, and then 2 weeks of orientation, you have five weeks to prepare -- that really is a lot of notice and a fairly slow transition.

I think you should do the orientation since that will be the lesser amount of change, or alternate days with one parent so he gets used to life after you.

If the job didn't pay that well and you needed a second job to make it work, then it really shouldn't be such a surprise that they decided on daycare. They couldn't afford the nanny they have.

This breakup will be awful, but you are going to be much happier in the long run with a family that isn't pinching pennies to afford you, and with a job that pays well enough to give you some of your own life and time back.

-- MB here

Anonymous wrote:If it's 3 weeks until orientation, and then 2 weeks of orientation, you have five weeks to prepare -- that really is a lot of notice and a fairly slow transition.

I think you should do the orientation since that will be the lesser amount of change, or alternate days with one parent so he gets used to life after you.

If the job didn't pay that well and you needed a second job to make it work, then it really shouldn't be such a surprise that they decided on daycare. They couldn't afford the nanny they have.

This breakup will be awful, but you are going to be much happier in the long run with a family that isn't pinching pennies to afford you, and with a job that pays well enough to give you some of your own life and time back.

-- MB here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's 3 weeks until orientation, and then 2 weeks of orientation, you have five weeks to prepare -- that really is a lot of notice and a fairly slow transition.

I think you should do the orientation since that will be the lesser amount of change, or alternate days with one parent so he gets used to life after you.

If the job didn't pay that well and you needed a second job to make it work, then it really shouldn't be such a surprise that they decided on daycare. They couldn't afford the nanny they have.

This breakup will be awful, but you are going to be much happier in the long run with a family that isn't pinching pennies to afford you, and with a job that pays well enough to give you some of your own life and time back.

-- MB here

Another MB here agreeing. This is thoughtful, and generous advice.

I also think though, OP, that you behaved quite unprofessionally when they told you. Your employers said you had done a terrific job, thanked you for all you have done for their child, and gave you several weeks notice. You responded incredibly poorly.

It is not your place to judge the decisions parents make for their child. It just isn't. It's wonderful that you are so loving towards your charge, but you are a professional who was hired to do a job. It sounds like you very seriously lost sight of that.

I also agree with another poster that you may have significantly damaged the reference these parents will give for you, and I wonder if they made this decision in part because you were too attached/critical/judgmental in your work. I don't think age 2 is optimal for starting daycare, but I do think that changing to daycare is an easier solution for some than simply firing and rehiring a nanny. I think it's quite possible they thought that was the kindest way to end a relationship they no longer felt was working well.

So if you anticipate a career as a nanny I think you need to look very carefully at how you behaved in terms of being an employee, not just a loving caregiver, during your tenure with this family and see what you can learn from that. Before you leave, if you can manage it, you might even ask your current employers to give you some constructive feedback for your next positions. If they're willing to do that, and if you're willing to listen, it might be hugely helpful. It really doesn't sound to me like they were trying to be mean in any way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have always worked in the best interest of our charge, OP (which sounds like you have) then don't stop now. It will probably be better for you to handle the orientation with him (with his parents at times) but you are his weekday caregiver and it is your time with him that needs to transition.

I disagree 100% that a child needs a "clean break". In my mind that is abandonment and the toddler cannot possibly understand. He will not remember you or the circumstance but will remember feeling sad and missing you (or anyone who leaves their lives).



You never know what will happen in the future, OP. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to work in the best interest of your charge.

Good luck.

Byt the way, I am an MB - the nannies responding have been really harsh and the MBs understanding! I would have expected the exact opposite.

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. There is a two-week orientation at his daycare where he stays for an hour a day and increasing each day. Should I do this with him or is that better left to his mother/father?

I truly want this to be as easy on him as possible and I will do whatever it takes.

Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. There is a two-week orientation at his daycare where he stays for an hour a day and increasing each day. Should I do this with him or is that better left to his mother/father?

I truly want this to be as easy on him as possible and I will do whatever it takes.

Thanks.

Of course you should leave it to his parents. Just back off.

Anonymous wrote:I am been the nanny for a wonderful little boy for the last two years, since his birth. I have been a truly great nanny (even if you don't believe me, please accept this as true for argument sake). Beyond just being a great nanny, I have a bond with my charge and I love him more than I ever thought possible to love a child not my own. And I have sacrificed to stay this child's nanny - passing up far more lucrative positions and even taking a second weekend job just to stay his nanny.

Just a few minutes ago, the parents told me they are putting him in daycare. THis has been in the works - the preparation for daycare for awhile. When they told me, I was stunned. They both said that I was fantastic and that their child would not be the great and smart kid he is had it not been for me.

I lost it. First, all day daycare is a huge mistake for this particular boy at this time in his life. Second, because they just sprung it on me.

I don't know what to do now. I said my peace and told them my truth - that I have never been more disappointed in two people in my entire life. I walked in and kissed my beautiful charge and told him that I loved him. I asked them to send my last paycheck and walked out. Clearly, the parents did not expect me to be done that moment and they have no care for their son until daycare starts. But I don't know what to do.

I cannot see spending the next two weeks (or however long they had in mind) crying every time I look at him. How would I go around to our usual story times, music class, parent & me, etc when everyone knows us and explain that I will no longer be this fantastic and polite little boy's nanny anymore...

What is the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. THis is my first longterm nanny job (although I have been a preschool teacher for twenty years so I am obviously not a kid).

I am sick about this. Please - someone - tell me what to do. I know I got too attached. I know I sacrificed far too much to stay his nanny - but I thought I was appreciated.

BTW, they are only putting him in daycare to save money.

~~~~~~~

OP here and I have a master's degree in Early Childhood Development. According to my employers, no one advised that their child be put in daycare. They are doing it to save for a house and go on vacation (MB's words were that she hasn't been on a vacation this year or bought new clothes as reasons to put her son in daycare).

It is my opinion that daycare is not right for my charge. My educated opinion and knowledge gained from being his nanny.

And I don't know what "SWF with the child" means.

I will grant you that I love him too much. I never should have gotten to attached to him, But I am proud of the work I have done with him and what a smart and polite little guy he is.

I am sorry if you feel I am overreacting. This has come out of the blue and I am simply stunned.

And to the OP who suggested and agency: yes, I am going to go through an agency this time. My weekend position was through an agency and it is a great job and well-paying. I will not make the same mistakes I made with this soon-to-be-former MB/DB.