Parents of kids' friends always asking me if my nanny can help them with picks ups and drop offs
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Anonymous
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My kids are friends with kids from another family whose does a lot of the drop offs and pick ups for school and aftercare. Our kids go to the same school and are frequently in the same camps and such. We all work full-time - we have a nanny who we've had for a year now and who we love. It's expensive, but worth it to us not to have to juggle all the drop offs and pick ups during the year. The parents of the kids' friends seem to cobble it together - they have a stable of college sitters in combination with staggering their own schedules.
They frequently ask me if my nanny can drop off and pick up their kids when they're having trouble figuring it out. The first few times I made up excuses, but I now realize I should have just told the truth to nip this in the bud - we pay a lot for consistent care and I'm sorry that they didn't or can't, but I'm also not interested in asking my nanny to perform additional services that she should be paid for just because they are having trouble. The issue is that I'm fine (and our nanny is fine) with play dates and such as long as they reciprocal and for the kids' benefit. Its not as if she never watched other kids. There just seems to be a line between exchanging play dates and taking advantage. Their mom just texted me again to see if our nanny can pick her two kids up from summer camp tomorrow because they never figured out a sitter and they both have meetings. Our nanny will be there anyway picking up our two kids and presumably *could* pick up her two as well, I just don't think that's appropriate to ask of my nanny. I guess if we were all planning a play date that seemed reciprocal none of us would have an issue with it. It's just the principle of acting as their back up childcare that I'm paying for and that my nanny is not getting paid extra for that I think is unfair. Any suggestions for how to handle this? Do I just need to tell the truth? Our don't want to damage our relationship - the kids are all really good friends and I like the parents as people, except for this. Thanks for any suggestions. |
Anonymous
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Good for you for protecting your nanny. Too many employers do not seem to realize that the nanny does not want the added responsibility of driving/watching any children other than her own charges.
I would tell the other parents that your nanny is not comfortable driving kids other than her own charges nor watching them at your house. |
Anonymous
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Thank you op for caring about your nanny. You sound like a truely considerate mb.
Had you considered asking if she'd like to pick up the other kids, if the other family is willing to compensate her? She may appreciate the opportunity to make a little extra. |
Anonymous
This opens the door for the other parents and is a very bad ifea. Just say no. |
Anonymous
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OP here - thanks for the suggestion. I'd be happy for my nanny to be making s little more money obviously, but I agree with PP that it might be a slippery slope. I employ my nanny because I want child care focused on my kids at my convenience. I'm afraid if I let these parents start paying, they will think of her as their nanny too - it's just not the sitsuttion I'm interested in.
Also, I don't think the parents would want to pay anyway - to them, our nanny is there for pick up anyway, what's the big deal? They obviously don't get that it's taking advantage of our nanny and of us. I can't see them realizing it and being ok with paying a market rate. |
Anonymous
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You sound like a good employer, OP, and I am so glad you understand the ramifications of asking your nanny to be responsible for children other than her charges.
Tell your neighbors that you simply are not comfortable asking this of your nanny as she has told you that she doesn't want the responsibility of other children. Make sure you tell your nanny what you said so you are both on the same page should the neighbor ask the nanny. Your nanny is paid to care for your children only. Further, people like your neighbors never get better - if you say yes now the requests for your nanny and favors will only escalate. |
Anonymous
OP here, I agree. I just keep making excuses and hoping they'll get that their requests are inappropriate, but of course they don't. Fortunately, I haven't said yes even a single time, so there's no opening. I figured after five times of saying no, they'd stop asking, but it's still happening. I guess I'll just have to go with honesty. Thanks PPs. |
Anonymous
| Thank you for saying no. You sound like a thoughtful MB. As a nanny I cannot stand when some parents try to take advantage. My last NF had a family friend constantly coming over for "play dates." Um the friends always left and did her own thing. I had to nip it in the butt. Unfortunately my MB didn't see and issue and the friend made things awkward. Sorry but I'm not watching your three kids for free! |
Anonymous
| *MB didn't see it as an issue |
nannydebsays
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OP, what sort of car does your nanny drive? If she drives a small sedan that won't safely seat 4 kids in the back, then that is your reason for saying no:
"Neighbor, I would be willing to ask nanny if she is able to do that for you, but her car only seats 2 kids comfortably in the back seat, and I am not willing to ask her to seat kids in the front." Or, if the car excuse won't work, tell the neighbor that the cost for pick-up and babysitting is $25/hour, minimum charge $100. Or use whatever insane number will scare them off. |
Anonymous
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I think it is great that you are being an advocate for your nanny, these other families are definitely out of bounds for asking this.
I would understand one time or maybe two, but I would also be willing to pay someone for their assistance. Just because someone is "already" going in one direction is not a free pass for others too. Kindly let this family know that you value your nanny and do not want to lose her. Ask them if they would be willing to pay the nanny a set fee, then if they agree, run it by your nanny to make sure it is okay with her. If this family acts taken aback, then seriously...Why would you want to maintain a friendship with them?? Just be friendly/civil for the kids, but otherwise have as less to do with them as possible. |
Anonymous
| I'm a nanny wouldn't have a problem helping out here and there if I otherwise liked the kids and the kids got along. Sometimes more kids is easier because they have fun playing together (depending on the ages.) If I were your nanny I'd reduce my rate to you by 1/3 (ish) and charge them the same amount and make a little extra money while you save a little. This wouldn't bother me if the above criteria were met, even if it were a regular Wed thing or whatever. Is this something your kids would enjoy? How old are your kids? Is nanny expected to watch them the rest of the day, just an hour, or just give a ride? These are things you should consider before making a decision. |
Anonymous
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I would either go with "Sorry, our nanny is not comfortable picking up more than our charges" or "Sorry, our nanny does so much for us already and I really shouldn't ask her for more favors if I want her to keep working for us." Latter is a way of saying no with no lies.
Watching someone else's kid is different from watching your own kids and maybe say your nanny is focused on making sure that her charges are safe 100% and adding two more makes it harder for her. Just saying no might hurt the relationship but by the way they ask you for pick up, I think any future playdates wouldn't be reciprocal anyway. You'd have 5 at your house and they'd have 1. Just find a way to say no but not be awkward when you run into them in the future. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like someone I know.
People have varying degrees of patience for this type of people. I have very little patience. I cut it off. I have no regrets. What you do is up to you. |