Grandma or nanny for childcare?
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Anonymous
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Repost I posters original in wrong forum, but would like advice
I'm on maternity leave until end of next month and we still haven't made plans for childcare for my son. We would like to keep him home for the first year but don't know if it would be better to hire a nanny or have my mom watch him. The thought of leaving him with a stranger makes me nervous. How did you choose between Grammy and nanny? |
Anonymous
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Is your mother capable and interested in caring for him? Is she pretty active and will be able to care for him even as he learns to crawl, walk and run?
Does she want to do this every single day? That means it changes her life - she can't just run to the mall, or go to an exercise class, etc. without baby going too. (and it's fine for baby to go to the mall with grandma, of course, but it will change and limit her life in ways she might not want now that she's retired) Do you have the kind of relationship that allows you to be honest and say "I want it done this way" even if she did it another way with your kids (ex: will she put your baby to sleep on his back or will she insist he needs to sleep on his stomach so he won't choke if he spits up? Will she give him tummy time or think that's a bunch of hooey? Will she use the sleep sack or insist on using lots of blankets and a pillow in his crib because "I used one with you and you turned out just fine." If you have a great relationship with her, and she wants to do it, then what's the downside? You can always say you want to do this until he is 12 months and then reevaluate because at that point you might want him in group care of some sort. That way you all know that there will be a reevaluation period built in. Lots of grandmothers take care of children and love it, and their grandchildren love it! |
Anonymous
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My friend's children are cared for by grandparents, and I have a nanny. I'm honestly kind jealous of all money my friend saves. However, she has to take home from work here and there to give her parents some chance of life. Now with kids in part time preschools it works perfectly. She does mentions here and there how it is hard to make parents follow her wishes sometimes.
My mom is very honest with me: when she watches our kids she will ways do thing her way, no matter what we think. Well, she goes to watch our kids and we pay the nanny (who is wonderful). In my mind, if your mom is willing and capable and you agree on child care rules/strategy, by all means, let your mom do it. Hire a back up nanny part time to give your mom flexibility. If you don't agree with your mom, hire a nanny. |
Anonymous
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Let Grandma do it if you don't mind her never following your instructions and countering everything you say with, "Well, that is how I raised you and your brother and you turned out all right."
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Anonymous
| I would look into a compromise. Grandma 2 days, nanny 3 or something. Grandparents are getting older and kids are A LOT of work and it will wear her out after a while. What't the plan if she has a health issue come up, or falls and injures herself while carrying your baby etc. I wouldn't ask a grandparent to take that on as a full time job. |
nannydebsays
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| If you need the typical 11 - 12 hour day that many nanny employers do, why not see if your mom can come over and let nanny go early 2 fixed days per week. If you had nanny working 8a - 7p MWF and 8a - 4p TuTh, your mom would get time with the kids, and your nanny would get a break! |
Anonymous
| Stop using your mother for free or cheap childcare. She raised her kids, you raise yours, el lazy cheapo . |
Anonymous
Similarly, you could use your mother for one day a week and avoid overtime costs. |
Anonymous
| I think a mix of the two would work out wonderfully. I did that in the past while looking for part time work while getting my degree. I worked 3 days/week and the grandma came the other 2 days. Even if your mom doesn't do things like you'd like if it's only 2 days a week it isn't so bad. You won't need to pay so much for childcare either and you'd still have say over what happens with the baby most of the week. |
Anonymous
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Do you really want your mother or mother-in-law in your home for ten hours a day/five days a week? Not only will she NOT follow your instructions on how you want to raise your child but she will be around to see every mistake that you and DH make -- and she will not forget them.
Part time granny and part time nanny is a bad idea. A child needs a consistent schedule. Hire a nanny with an early childhood development degree or preschool teaching experience and give your child a head-start. |
Anonymous
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So much depends on Grandma! Does she want to do this? Is she in good enough health to do it? Would she expect to be paid? And the big question: do you get along with her and share parenting philosophies?
If you're one of the lucky ones with a healthy, sane, mother or MIL whom you love and get along with, I would totally do part time grandma/part time nanny, working with grandma to figure out the split she wants (a few full days, or every day for shorter hours). This would work especially well if you need more than 40 hours a week of coverage, since you'd avoid overtime rates. And if Granny can cover for the nanny's vacation and sick days, you have it made in the shade my friend! |
Anonymous
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Feedback from the moms that I have worked with indicate that while grandma's are really wonderful to have as part of the kids life, it is challenging to get them to follow your rules. they usually have set ways or ideas of getting things done and you may find yourself butting heads with her on a regular basis. Or there may be agreement in your presence but a different scenario when you are not around. This is something to consider seriously as the consistency that the kids need at an early age may be absent. The upside with a Nanny is that a good nanny will follow your directives and will change and adjust as instructed. On the other hand, your families budget will be impacted based on your choice so how important that is to you will of course have to factor in your decision. |
Anonymous
| I think a grandmother is more likely to raise your child as you would and take a genuine interest in them because she loves them. I think most moms learn their parenting style from the way they were raised. With a grandmother you also have piece of mind that your child and home are under the care of someone you know you can trust. Plus your kids will form a close relationship with their grandmother that will last forever. I've had a nanny and grandma help with child care and frankly grandma was more engaged in their development and more loving than our nanny. To our nanny. It was a job. To grandma it was a total joy to spend time with her grandchildren. Grandma was also more open to doing thing the way I wanted than our nanny - who was set in her ways and had a bit of an arrogant and lazy attitude. So my vote is for grandma for sure!! But as others have said it depends on if grandma wants to babysit & how much, is healthy, is reliable, has a good relationship with you, etc. why not just have a talk with her before looking for nannies. Maybe you could have a part time nanny. I disagree, that you have to have only one care taker for your child. There is no reason why grandma and the nanny can not follow the same schedule. |
Anonymous
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Nanny here. I just want to say that I agree that asking for full time care is too much responsibility for grandparents (but 2 or maybe 3 days a week is reasonable). Many of my clients over the years have had grandparents care for their little ones 1-3 days per week. In most of those cases, it has been great for everyone involved.
However, I think you really need to consider the grandparents physical shape and energy levels. Not one but TWO of the children I have nannied for over the years endured a broken limb while under granny's care: a ten month old boy suffered a broken leg when his grandma fell down the stairs carrying him, and a two year old girl suffered a broken arm when she fell at the playground, and grandma wasn't there to catch her. The little boys accident was surprising since his grandma really did seem physically capable, but that's why it is so important to /really/ make sure that grandma isn't just physically able to handle herself, but handle little ones, too. As for the little girl, I admit that could've happened under almost anyone's care; I didn't know her grandma particularly well, so it's hard for me to speculate on exact causes. However, I see a common theme among grandparents at the playground: they almost always seem to treat it as break time. They sit down on a bench and observe; they are never right there running and climbing with the kids like nannies or parents are. Obviously when the kids are a bit older that's fine. But for young kids you really need someone able to keep up so they can be right there if your child does need extra help. There are two sets of grandparents who care for their grandkids full time who I often run into at the neighborhood playground. Every time I see them there I sigh, and brace myself for the fact that I will now be entertaining and physically assisting the child I am paid to care for, but also all of these poor grandchildren as well. The kids they care for are all between 1 and 3 years old. They all ALWAYS seem to find themselves in situations where they need physical assistance on the playground, but grandma is ALWAYS way over on the bench, and I'm always right there, so I end up dealing with them myself. Sometimes when I see them there I take my charge to another area so we don't have to deal with them, but then all I see happen is the kids yell "grandma, grandma, come over here! Come watch me!" And grandma, nine times out of ten, will not budge from her seat. Then again, the little girl I watch two days per week now is with her grandparents two other days each week, and aside from some minor "not following moms rules" issues, I believe the care she receives from them is great. I noticed in your post you said you were hesitant to leave your child "with a stranger." There are a couple things about that: 1) it's good to socialize your child with at least one babysitter, because it does help with overall stranger anxiety, and it IS a good idea to have a familiar sitter for when you find yourself really needing one (trust me, it will happen at some point) 2) if you find a nanny or sitter with excellent references, then you have nothing to worry about; just give your family a chance to know him or her and then they won't be a stranger! 3) please don't let your own personal fear of finding a sitter or getting to know a sitter be /the/ reason you use the grandparents instead. As I (and others) mentioned above, for as much as they may love their grandkids they still might not be the best caregiver for your child. Do what is right for your child, not just the easiest thing for you initially. |