Toddler cries when mom isn't around and she knows me!!
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Anonymous
| So I've been with a family now for 3 months, everything was great until 2 weeks ago. I have no idea what happened, but now when the mom isn't around the 3 year old just cries ! Nothing has changed, mom is always upstairs in her room working,but 3 year old cries. Mom has been afraid to even go out for errands because she know the toddler will cry and I haven't even taken the toddler to the park because of this.. I don't know what has happened to change this. Tere's also a 4 month old in the house and I am wondering if this is the toddler's way for attention, but I just don't know. Any advice ? |
Anonymous
| Children go through random periods of separation anxiety. |
Anonymous
| Ask her when she's calm. |
Anonymous
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I agree with talking to her about it when she is calm.
Has there been any changes over the last 2 weeks? Did mom go away on a business trip? Any changes in the life of her friends? With one of my old charges her best friend lost her grandma and my charge became fearful of losing her family. Is she getting adequate positive attention? How do you all respond to the tears? Just an outside opinion, but having the grownups adjust their routine because they fear tears is an awful lot of power to give a 3 year old |
Anonymous
This is so very true. Hopefully this is a very short random thing. Just bear with it and it will be over soon. In the meantime, try sitting down on her level, eye-to-eye and trying to discuss w/her why she is crying and what you can do to appease her. 
Hope this helps. |
Anonymous
| 2 weeks ago, mom went out 4 nights straight so she did not put toddler to bed. When she cries, I ask if she'd like to play with things I know she loves, but when she's in that state, she doesn't want to do anything, but be with her mom so if mom isn't around she'll just sit and cry for about 15 minutes when her mom doesn't come running. Only time she's calm is when she's eating lunch and her mom is around. If mom wants to get work done, she turns on the tv and this has never been done during my work day until recently. The mom has even made me discontinue picking her up from school ( mom always says she's going out for groceries etc so she'll pick her up, but its obvious why.. It's been 2 weeks now! ) so our routine has changed dramatically because of this. |
nannydebsays
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So, to be brutally frank, your MB is, for whatever reasons, enabling and encouraging the crying.
The initial issue was likely based in the absence of mom at bedtime 4 nights straight, as well as the addition of a newborn who the toddler now realizes, is actually here to stay, not a temporary visitor. I am not sure that trying to have a conversation about this is going to be productive, OP. I might choose instead to wait for mom to open the topic for discussion, and then be ready with suggestions (getting back on a predictable daily schedule where nanny does XYZ and mom does ABC) to help problem solve. |
Anonymous
| The mom has opened up discussion by saying, "I don't know why she's doing this..." I will bring it up next time she does by telling her we need to get back on a routine like it was initially stated in my contract or mom take over, school pick up. I've got the infant on a schedule that the mom, I feel, purposely tries to change, but when I'm around I try my best to at least keep her to a routine. |
Anonymous
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The child is most likely going through some milestone in cognitive development. The mom being away for 4 nights, in addition to attention being diverted to the baby, has compounded and is now manifesting itself in your charges new challenging behavior. Did the child know mom was going away for 4 nights? Did anyone tell her how the night time routine would be different?
She trusts you enough to have these meltdowns. All you can do is reassure her that she is safe, and her grown-ups always come back. Read her stories about separation anxiety (check them out at your local library). Let her cry if she needs to, and just hold her. Sometimes we all need a good cry. Also, try to go back to your routine! The child is now manipulating mom and you to give into her anxiety and demands- and that is not okay. I know it may be hard to talk to MB. I'm sure she is still adjusting to baby and has a whole lot of hormones. Approach her from a place of love and understanding: that all you want is what is best for her child. Obviously, whatever is happening now is not working. Children need routine in order to know what to expect. Let her know that you can handle changes in the routine. However, you would like clarification on what that is in order to be able to communicate that to your charge. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| Thanks! It's gotten bad and the mom isn't listening, she's just saying she doesn't understand what's going on. If toddler cries, she'll stop what she's doing to do what toddler wants or turn tv on. I've asked about introducing the routine, there's nothing else to try. |