Do we take the nanny? Or not take the nanny? That is the first-world question... (REPOST)
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Anonymous
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Our kids are 5 and almost 2. We just got back from a 5 day trip to the Caribbean that was far more exhausting and stressful than restful. We did all that we could: we had a suite we shared with grandparents who dote on the kids; brought a ton of food from home so we could eat in the room, make our own sandwiches and not have to worry about dealing with restaurants for each meal, etc. But, it's still stressful and busy to keep kids entertained, fed, and rested in a foreign country and in a hotel where their schedule is off. I came home without feeling as though I took a vacation at all. I know this is to be expected. My kids are young and it's hard when they are thrown out of their comfort zone and schedule. HOWEVER:
We have to go to Hawaii in May for a family wedding. It's a big, expensive trip and I worry that we will go all the way to Hawaii and spend a ton of money and yet never get a chance to actually enjoy it! Again, we are staying in a suite with my in-laws and will have a kitchen, but they will be busy with the wedding and spending time with other family members and guests and I don't expect that they will be a significant help with the kids. So, do we bring our nanny? I've never traveled with a nanny before and it does feel kind of indulgent and I strangely feel a bit of mom-guilt for even considering it (i.e., Yes, I'm so selfish that I brought a nanny to take care of my kids so I could lounge on the beach with a cocktail in my hand rather than enjoy time with my children). How will it fit in to have the nanny around when we're doing family things and wedding things? Do I need her enough to justify the expense? Plus, it will cost us quite a lot of money in terms of very pricey airfare and room at the very pricey wedding hotel plus food on top of her salary. But the flip side is that my kids love her and we'll actually have someone whose job is to help us with the kids, unlike my inlaws who are wonderful but will be quite busy and will probably feel burdened even if they volunteer to help out. What say you, DCUM? Has it ever not been worth it to take the nanny with you? |
Anonymous
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Hmm. IF I took the nanny it would only be for the day/evening of the wedding. If it were a wedding close to home I wouldn't take them I would hire a sitter.
How long are you going to be there? Do you have time to plan some family outings so maybe it isn't so stressful? If you decide to take her, make it clear to her (and in your own mind) what you expect of her and how much she will be expected to work. Maybe she handles nap and bed time or something. |
Anonymous
| OP here. The wedding is in Hawaii, so it's unreasonable to fly her out for only a day or two! We'll be there for 10 days. I was thinking of having her come for 5. |
Anonymous
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Don't do it, not worth it. Certainly isn't worth it cost-wise.
Coordinate with the hotel or locals for a sitter or nanny. Then use that person for a few hours or full day or night as needed. I do this on my business trips. Kids do fine and local nanny knows all the fun, safe stuff! |
Anonymous
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We had a nanny come with us for a work trip. Other than the awkwardness of having our live out nanny share our condo we really enjoyed it and I think she did too. But I agree that having to deal with our nanny from home was quite a bit of work -- I had to find activities for her. It didn't end up being more expensive, as I paid for the plane ticket but not really any extra care costs -- just her normal salary -- so it was kind of the same cost as a local nanny would be.
I guess the local nanny sounds like the right option so long as you could survive if the local nanny turned out not to be that great. If you 100% need someone bringing in your own nanny can relieve stress. |
Anonymous
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Don't do it.
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Anonymous
| I've considered it several times, but always decided against it. I'd see if the hotel has sitters. |
Anonymous
| I take the nanny often. Not always, but often. It's expensive as hell, for sure. But it's super, SUPER helpful. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for everyone's feedback. If we don't bring our nanny we will certainly look into a local sitter through the hotel or an agency. We will have to do that for at least two nights for the rehearsal dinner and for the wedding itself. My concern is that my kids are stll pretty young (5 and 2) and will already be out-of-whack by being 8 hours behind on the time zone, by staying in a hotel, and by generally just being thrown off schedule. I don't expect them to do very well for an unknown sitter. It would probably mean that I have to take them back to the room and put them to bed myself and then head back to the reception once they're asleep. Also, I'm not likely to hire a random babysitter to help with the kids during the day, so D and I will spend the whole vacation taking care of the kids while other guests and family spend time together and enjoy Hawaii. Did I mention there will be no other kids attending? So everyone else will be kid-less.
If we bring the nanny, she can help out at various points during the day and evening (staying in the room for the baby's nap, helping with meals, putting the kids to sleep at night - understanding that we'll set the schedule beforehand so we all have the same expectations). We'll have a lot more assistance and we may even be able to enjoy the trip a bit ourselves and have time to visit with other family and guests in town for the wedding. BTW, it's really interesting that I started this thread in the Travel forum of the regular DCUM site before Jeff locked it and told us to move it to the Nanny Forum and the responses on the original post were overwhelmingly in favor of bringing the nanny. |
Anonymous
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Interesting. Sorry they locked it, more info or viewpoints the better. That said I mainly look at parenting and real estate, rarely even this nanny one!
The London hotel that set us up with a nanny did a fabulous job, and the hotel's rep was on the line too if something amiss happened. Some nannies may ask for more pay, despite the $$$$ plane ride and travel experience, since they're "working more than regular hours." |
Anonymous
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I have traveled with my NF many times. They always have a large suite or two and put me up in my own single room. I don't work hourly, so I just continue to get my normal weekly salary. It's really great for everyone involved. I love it because it's the same as my normal work but in a new location, plus I get a lot of extra unexpected time off to go swimming or hiking.
It also leaves options open for everyone. There have been times I've taken the younger charge home (~5 hour drive on this particular vacation) and ended our vacation early and hung out back at the house while the rest of them took another side trip for a special tennis camp. |
Anonymous
| I think you should ask your nanny if she would be interested in going. I did this a few months back (I'm the nanny) and it worked out great. My employers paid for me and my husband to go which made it really fun for me. Because they paid for us to have our own hotel room I didn't charge an overnight fee like I've done in the past when alone. We were all very clear on when I would be working and of course my husband was free to be with me and the kids. I know my employers were really generous and most cannot afford to be that generous, but if you can, I would say you should do it. |
Anonymous
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MB here. I would definitely feel some sort of "privilege guilt" about doing this, and it would feel like an extreme indulgence.
That said, it would be a lifesaver for us and would dramatically increase the likelihood of all of us enjoying the vacation a great deal more. I know that our nanny would be thrilled to be included also - though that can certainly vary from person to person. If you can afford it OP, do it. You'll have a great time and it will be money well spent. If you can't quite live with it then definitely pursue finding some local childcare - I have seen that work very well also. have a great trip! |
nannydebsays
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If you can afford it, and you feel strongly that your kids will be better able to manage with a familiar caregiver, then take your nanny. Make sure you set up a vacation contract so she knows what is expected of her WRT hours and such.
I would do all I could to be sure she has a separate room, even a small room on a different floor from your family, so that she can "go home' when she is off duty. You can also ask the hotel for a package of info on age appropriate sight-seeing jaunts, and ask nanny to do some research too. It's OK to want to do what you can to get some pleasure out of an expensive vacation! |
Anonymous
| Where do you live that Hawaii is 8 hours behind? It's 6 from the East Coast right now, but will be 5 when we turn the clocks back. |