My nanny seems furious that I'm here
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Anonymous
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We have two toddlers (not twins). Normally I work at the office. Today, one of the toddlers is sick and needs a lot of attention. So after discussing it with DH at like 6am, we decided I am loosely working from home today to take care of her. This morning when the nanny got here I told her the situation, and asked that she go about her routine just with the older toddler and just be careful about hand-washing. She gave a big, dramatic sigh, said "fine" and began her day.
We don't have a home office, so I am working at the kitchen island. We have an open floorplan so I am sitting with my back to the living room, where DD's toys are and where the kids do a ton of playing. The nanny keeps making these dramatic sighs and any time I turn towards them or am coming back from the hallway to the bedrooms (where the sick toddler is in her room) the nanny looks at me, glares and says "Yes?" She's obviously freaked out at my being home but there's not much we can do about it - the sick toddler needs a lot of extra diaper changing and cleaning of puke and holding and fever-checking, etc. The nanny has always been free to take the kids out to the park and library and our little downtown area. I am not saying anything unless the (healthy) toddler speaks directly to me and then I answer and redirect her back to the nanny. "You want me to give your lamby a hug? Okay. I bet Nanny wants to hug Lamby too!" "Wow, thanks for making me a banana muffin! Did you make Nanny one too?" I'm a little put off by the nanny being so disgusted by my presence. I mean, I LIVE here. These are MY kids. I pay her salary. I'm not intervening or correcting her or anything. Now you say something helpful. |
Anonymous
| Having a parent home is just awful. Ruins the day. I don't act like that outwardly but yes in my head I'm cussing out the parent who is home. |
Anonymous
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Yikes, what a drama queen. One day at home, because of a sick child, and she spends the day sighing dramatically? I bet she'd be silently cussing you out (like the other drama queen PP) if you went to work and left nanny to take care of the sick child.
It's important you address this with her directly. Tell her it is impossible to ignore her passive aggressiveness and that she is creating a terrible environment for your children during a stressful, and unusual, day. You should expect her to act like a professional partner in handling unusual days and not like a spoiled child. If that is such a hardship for her, maybe she isn't the nanny for your family. Point is, zero tolerance for drama queen, over entitled nannies. |
nannydebsays
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She might be fine with you being there, and annoyed that she is getting to be exposed to puking/diarrhea/fever.
Either way, the attitude isn't OK. I would suggest you take a day to calm down and then address this with her, possibly using the poop sandwich method: "It was pretty tough Monday with X sick and me working from home. I know you probably didn't enjoy the day much - I know I didn't! I did notice that you seemed very put out, and I would like to know why you were upset." Nanny responds "I hear what you are saying, and I agree that <whatever she says the issue was> can be frustrating/distracting/bothersome. I do need you to know that I count on you to be a team player, even when we are all having a really tough day. You are always so cheerful/helpful/on top of things, and I appreciate that so much." |
Anonymous
| I agree that you should talk to her. If I had been that nanny, I would have been annoyed at the situation, but not at you. I would have been beyond grateful I didn't have to clean the vomit and I would have high tailed it out of the house with the older child and had a fun 1:1 day. Sorry your nanny is being a pain in the neck and I hope you're able to resolve the issue. |
Anonymous
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Nanny Deb made some great points
Every nanny is different and some have a hard time when parents are around. It is not so much your nanny is upset you are there but just that the day is different and a bit more stressful ( for both of you ). Are things good between you and your nanny normally? I think nanny Deb had a great way to communicate this. After that if there is still stress then perhaps a review might be in order to be sure everyone is on the same page. Nanny Sherri |
Anonymous
| If you are home, you should have given her the day off and not exposed her. If she gets sick you'll end up taking off far more time in the long run. |
Anonymous
| I would be annoyed too, OP. Maybe you should ask: "Is everything OK" to let her know that you see her attitude. |
Anonymous
I'm in this boat as well. Did you make it clear to your nanny that she was still free to take the healthy child out and about for the day? Also, I personally would have preferred a heads up about the situation before I got in so that I could mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. So just a quick text once you'd made the decision to stay home "Hey Nanny, just to let you know Larla is sick today, so I'll be working from home so that I can be an extra set of hands. See you soon." |
Anonymous
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Isn't the nanny capable of taking care of 2 children even of one is sick? I used to take care of 3 boys 3,5,7 and countless times I had to deal with 1 or 2 sick ones and probably once all 3 sick too. I rather take care of sick children than have parents around.
If you are staying at home to take care of 1 sick child then I do t see the reason why both you and I have to be exposed to his illness. Let me stay home or let me take care of your children. No need for you to be home. You end up no working anyway. |
Anonymous
| Sorry about all the typos! |
Anonymous
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Your nanny has issues! If a parent had stayed home with me if one or more of the kids had been ill, I would have been grateful for the extra help.
Your nanny is one of the ones who do not like any intervention from parents during the day because she can't sit around and text all day. I have never had an issue with a parent being home while I am working. I don't get all these nannies who get so bent out of shape by a parent being home. Discuss her attitude with her and if doesn't change, find a new nanny. You don't need to be treated like garbage in your own home. |
Anonymous
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Unless your child was vomiting and having diarrhea on a near constant basis (in which case they should have been in the hospital), there is no reason why your nanny should not have been able to take care of all children on her own. What a wonderful experience it could have been for your other child/children to learn that they can play quietly/independently as well while a sick sibling was being cared for momentarily.
Instead, you cut your nanny out of the loop and undermined her ability to do her job. Imagine how annoyed you would be if you went into work to find that you had to spend your day with a boss who felt you were incompetent...I dare say a sigh or two would escape your lips as well. |
Anonymous
Where did she say she thought the nanny was incompetent? I read all the time here about nannies complaining that their bosses don't take care of their sick children and here you have a boss who stayed home to take care of the sick child and people are crapping all over this mom because she did stay home to take care of the sick child. |
Anonymous
| It's probably because your nanny slacks off all day when you are not around. Get a nanny cam so you can see what she's doing when you are not around. |