Children Won't stop cussing/swearing!!
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Anonymous
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I nanny two boys, ages 8 and 3 years old three days a week during the summer. They are notorious for cussing!
Both myself and their mother, who is aware they cuss, have tried everything we can think of. She has tried measures such as washing their mouths out with soap, taking privileges away and collecting coins in a jar when the older child cusses. I'm not a fan of putting soap in the mouth or spanking so when they cuss I tell them, "That is a bad word and we do not say it in this house." After that I ignore them if they say it again. Sometime though I have to talk to them about it multiple times a day! I am really at a loss of what to do next to get them to stop. They think it is funny and back talk when I tell them to stop, saying things like, "I don't have too." "I can say it if I want." The older boy has behavior issues and is on medication for it, so that helps with his behavior yet he still cusses. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated! |
Anonymous
| Don't put soap in a child's mouth it is considered poisoning them and you could be charged with child abuse. That charge would really hurt anyone especially a nanny. Also don't spank even if the parents tell you to. It's too risky. |
nannydebsays
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Designate a room with a door you can close as "The Cussing Room". When they start cursing, tell them those words aren't allowed in front of you, but they can go to the cursing room and curse as much as they want. They are free to come out as soon as they are done cursing. When they emerge, welcome them back. When they curse again, send them back to the designated room. Don't show emotion of any kind, just say, "Cussing Room now, come out when you are done."
You might want to have a room for each of them at first, since I bet the younger boy is egged on by his big brother. I would guess the younger will stop first, btw. When you are out, bathroom stalls make good "Cussing Rooms". |
Anonymous
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OP here/
NannyDeb I will try that. Hopefully it works to at least reduce their cussing. Yes little brother definitely is egged on when big bro does it. And don't worry I would never put soap in a child's mouth! |
Anonymous
| Make sure Mom is on board with the cussing room. I can see that easily being turned into a game where they "accidentally" cuss so that they can go into the cussing room for fun. |
Anonymous
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So let them go in there. I imagine it will be less fun when there's nobody around to hear/react to it.
But why are you giving these words so much power? They're just words. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
We have been trying the cussing room today. They both do not enjoy going to their room so hopefully it will begin working. The older boy has not cussed once today, so far. The younger boy has cussed a few times and each time I have taken him to his bedroom and told him he can cuss in there but not in front of me. Those words already have power in them, and the boys both know that. I'm not giving the words power, so not really sure what you mean by that. |
Anonymous
| They only have power because you allow them to. If you don't attach any meaning to them (they're the worst thing they could say, that this will give them extra attention) they're not worth using. |
Anonymous
| I don't agree with making their bedrooms the punishment rooms at all. Did you clear that with MB? |
Anonymous
| Have you bothered to ask them why they cuss so much? Even a three year old will give you a reason for doing something "bad". |
Anonymous
| I would do one of two things. Instant timeout - the first few times get a warning and then just look at them and let them know time out and do one. Or, ignore. They are doing it for attention and ignoring will not get the reaction they are looking for so they will usually stop (and replace it for something else). |
Anonymous
I think that is a good idea if it works for her. It isn't a punishment room. OP is saying he can cuss, but setting limits of where and when.. well handled. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I have asked both of the boys why they cuss and they usually respond with "Cuz I can if I want to." Or "Because my dad does." They enjoy talking about, the 3 year is worse than the 8 year and the talking back at that age is completely new to me. I haven't had kids that young do that to the extent this child does.
We have continued with the bedroom thing but it's not working with the 3 year old. He just cries and screams, then comes out and cusses again. I started a sticker chart for them to earn a fun day out once they get a certain amount of stickers. Again it's not working too well with the 3 year old but is working well with the 8 year old. Today I finally gave up taking the 3 year old to timeout or removing stickers from his chart and resorted once again to ignoring him. I am going to try ignoring him when he cusses for a whole week and see how that works. |
Anonymous
| If you can't handle this sort of low-level misbehavior, you should just leave. |
Anonymous
| I think that what you're doing is very sensible and you're on the right track. It's already working for the 8yo, so you'll just have to adjust somewhat to the 3yo and you'll crack that little one soon as well. Good luck! |