Would you look for a new nanny?
![[Post New]](/nanny-forum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
We are coming up on the end of our one year contract with our nanny and are contemplating making a change Please let me know what you think about whether it is wise for us to make a change. We have a 3.5 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. Here are the main points we are contemplating.
-- MB and nanny don't get along too well; I am (MB) reserved and private, nanny is very open and asks a lot of questions about personal life (more babies, etc). Nanny also provides a lot of commentary on how my husband and I are raising children, decorating house, etc. I think it's cultural, but it's a rub for both just the same. -- Nanny seems to either forget to follow my directions on some things or just chooses not to -- sleep is one issue. I can explain over and over again how want the baby's naps structured and it will work for a few days and then slip again. For the record, sleep is the only thing I'm really demanding about -- I leave the rest of day-to-day decisions up to the nanny. It irks me mostly b/c she puts the baby down at the same time as the toddler so she can get some "me time" but the baby isn't tired at that point usually and cries a long time before going to sleep. -- Nanny doesn't do a great job of keeping the play areas, kids rooms clean. I pick up every morning before she gets there so the areas/rooms are neat and when I come home they aren't -- toys and books everywhere, cups everywhere, etc. I've asked her to try to make sure it is in the same shape as when she comes but she says she doesn't pick up because my daughter (toddler) will mess it up again before bed. -- She can't cook. And by can't cook, I mean she can't even make my toddler a grilled cheese. She feeds her hot dogs cold. On the plus side, the kids really like her. She takes them out fairly regularly, they are safe with her, and she's very good about not being on her phone/ipad. I am reluctant to make a change if it will really harm the kids, but she does make our lives a bit more stressful and neither of us enjoy interacting with her. Plus, she doesn't wow us with her performance, for the reasons indicated above. Ok nannies and MBs, let me have it. What would you do? |
Anonymous
| Seems like your needs have changed and you should look for someone else. |
Anonymous
|
Although as you noted she has many good qualities - not listening to your instructions about nap times/sleep schedules is indicative of a bigger issue. She should 100% be following your instructions even if she doesn't agree (when I don't agree with my MB, I always respectfully tell her my opinion but ultimately do exactly as she asks).
And the no cooking think is pure BS. Anyone can heat food and if you truly cannot you have no business being a nanny. BTW - uncooked hot dogs can be very dangerous. I would tell her exactly what you need changed in her work and make no exceptions - on these issues it is your way or she needs to find another job. Sorry about the chatty thing - that's probably something you'll have to live with. |
Anonymous
|
So - you have a nanny who:
- does not carry out your wishes - perhaps intentionally. - makes you uncomfortable with her commentary on your lifestyle/choices - does not maintain order, and seemingly refuses to do so when asked directly - cannot cook basic hot meals for your children You feel like you don't get along with her. I don't see a gray area here. At minimum she is not a fit for your family. You can leave it there, or you can characterize her behavior as outright defying your wishes on everything from tidiness to diet to sleep. Find a replacement without any guilt. - MB |
Anonymous
While as a nanny, I agree generally, I think it would be best if OP gave nanny the opportunity to change by writing down her needs/demands and telling the nanny that this MUST be done and is non-negotiable. Often employers don't realize how vague they sound and how, in trying to me nice, they give an "order" that is easily misconstrued as a possible suggestion. The no-cooking thing is beyond the pale. Does she really expect to give your children only cold, precooked foods for the rest of her tenure with you?! (BTW - Previous nanny is correct - raw hot dogs can easily make a child very sick. Most packaged hot dogs say so right on the packaging) |
urbannanny
Member Offline
Member Offline
|
I think her attitude is most important here. All of the issues you point out are important. They are all also things that could be worked out by mature and willing adults. If she is genuine in her desire to make this a good fit, then she will present suggestions and work toward creating harmony in the relationship. I am not saying she has to agree with your opinions but she does have to meet you half way with possible solutions or settle for the ones you have presented. For example, it would be tuff to not have a break during the day. Can one of the baby's naps overlap with the toddler's? Are you open to sleep training? Is she willing to do it? Is it just the way she is going about the sleep training that is problematic?
If she can not rise to meet the challenges then she is not the person for the job. There will be other challenges as your children grow and you want to know he problem-solving skills are mature enough that you guys can work things out. I am a nanny. |
Anonymous
|
MB here. You are demanding about sleep. I am demanding about food. So her unwillingness to make grilled cheese or anything simple like that would be unacceptable to me.
I would look for someone new. Letting a baby cry for a long time is unacceptable to me, as is leaving me a mess to deal with when I come home. |
Anonymous
| What are your options, OP? |
Anonymous
|
Who are you people who think hot dogs arrive on grocery store shelves raw?? They are fully cooked just like bologna, turkey, ham etc are fully cooked. They will not make a child sick of served straight from the fridge. That said, it's not that hard to pop out in the microwave for thirty seconds. Even a non cook should be able to manage that.
Your nanny is inadequate and you need to find someone you enjoy having in your home. |
Anonymous
The PPs were right on this - I just checked and our National Hot Dog package has a warning that they must be cooked before eaten. |
Anonymous
| New nanny time. Sorry OP, it's no fun to do so, but what can you do? She's not a good nanny. |
Anonymous
Hi OP here -- The baby is sleep trained actually. But when he isn't tired, he doesn't sleep. And he does sleep during the toddler nap, just usually goes down about 30 mins to 45 mins after the toddler. Also, the toddler is gone three mornings a week and so our nanny actually gets a break during the baby's morning nap as well. Thanks all for the thoughts. I appreciate the suggestion to sit down and talk with her, but I also feel like all of the times I've reiterated these needs should count for that. Does it only count if I say her job is on the line as well? |
Anonymous
OP again -- I guess my main concern is my kids. Am I a jerk if I take away someone they like because it's not meeting (mostly) my needs and my husband's needs? |
Anonymous
|
Your kids will be fine. You sound like you're asking for permission to do what you want to do - which is replace the nanny. Consider it given.
If you've given warnings, had conversations, etc... then just do what you need to do for your family. Most nannies are great and will love your kids and your kids will love them. You need to find one that YOU value and is a good fit for the parents as well. Just go do it. You'll feel better as soon as you do. |
Anonymous
|
Of course not, OP. You and your husband and your children are a family unit and everyone should (and can) be getting their needs met. I think you're right that if you've already addressed this several times, making her job dependent on listening THIS time seems a bit off. How many chances does an adult need to improve their work performance when given explicit instructions?
I'm a nanny and I agree it is time for a new one. You aren't comfortable with her and your kids will be fine. And once you have a nanny you love (really use that 30 day trial period, don't feel locked in to the first person!) they will be just as happy as they are now - if not more so. Harmony is really important developmentally. |