Serious question
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Anonymous
What should/could/would I say? |
Anonymous
Tell her what you told us about the situation, and that she may get better results with her charge by showing her some compassion. Yes kids can be frustrating, but rarely is it purposeful, and its up to us to understand that they are simply children acting like children. If she is so unhappy with her job/charge she really ought to consider looking for a new one. You could suggest that in a friendly way. |
Anonymous
I really don't think she would take any advice very well; I expect she'd be extremely defensive and offended (just, from what I know about her personality), but I'll think on this a little and see if there's a way I could comfortably address it with her. You're absolutely right that she'd be better suited to another job and I have suggested she look elsewhere, particularly when she complains about the parents, but for 6 months she's been saying she's miserable and the girl is a brat and hasn't tried to find another. Honestly, I think she knows she's getting paid more than she's worth (and that she's likely to take a pay cut if she goes to another position) and that's why she stays. |
Anonymous
| And thanks to everyone who's responded, it's been very helpful to get some feedback on the situation. |
Anonymous
| OP. you sound like a good nanny and a very kind person. If you consult your conscious and own morality you will know what you need to do. This is a very young child who is being consistently treated inappropriately. The nanny needs to go before she seriously harms how this girl grows up. You know this. Any good nanny can tell from your post and no MB would disagree. Talking to your nanny friend is NOT what needs done as you yourself think that is not likely to change things. At best she might do it less in Public but a nanny is alone with a hold far too often to trust someone like this. You will be changing this poor little girl's life for the better if you are entirely honest with her mom about how consistently this is happening and some specific examples. Friends come and go but all adults must look out for children. |
Anonymous
| A "child" not a "hold". Darn iPhone. |
Anonymous
You're right. I would always feel guilty if I didn't say something at this point. I'll speak to my MB on Monday about how to best reach the parents. Thank you. |
Anonymous
| Wow! I'm dealing with this same issue. The 2 year old gets in trouble all the time for accidents (like falling in dirt). And I think she is scared to death of her nanny. Shes been with her since 2 year old was just weeks old. Nanny and I got into into it several months ago, I couldnt take it anymore, especially when she started saying things to my charge. She apologized, said she was just in pain a lot (the woman is in her 50's with a lot of chronic issues) She said she will try and change. She can't even lift child. And everytime we were out together, the kid was in the stroller, ALL the time. At this point, nanny had two older children she watched too. She is better about that now. And now a new baby is due in a couple months. Im horrified for both kids. Another nanny we are both close with and I talk all the time about sending an anonymous note to parents, but never have. Maybe we should. I've heard rumors that before child could talk, nanny would go to her own house and smoke pot, (prescription, but still), while child slept in car in hidden driveway. Listening to your guys responses, I feel I should do something. This woman thinks I am her close friend, and my and her charge get along so well, it will be hard to do, without revealing myself somehow. Geez, I'm nervous! |
Anonymous
OP here. I also feel like it's really hard to decide to do specifically because of the nanny network, and I'm only a friendly acquaintance of this woman! If she and I were friends the way you describe, I think it would be even more difficult for me. I totally understand. But I think you do have to say something. It doesn't sound like this nanny is going to be able to handle two children, and the potential consequences of neglect with either a newborn or a toddler are so, so serious. |
Anonymous
| Most children, indeed 99.99%, tear up, cry when they are reprimanded for bad behavior. You sound like a busy body. MYOB |
Anonymous
So...she said, "Susie, don't kick the sand!" and the girl said, "Okay" and stared at her. Didn't do it again because she hadn't meant to do it the first time. What reason is there to harp on about it, loudly, for several minutes, in front of a large group of people, besides wanting to humiliate a contrite four year old? |
Anonymous
| Other PP with similar situation - being a moral adult means sometimes doing things that are not so great/comfortable for you personally if they are needed in order to protect others who cannot protect themselves. I fail to see how this is not a no-brainer. You already know that 2 yr old is in a bad spot and the nanny is not able to take care of the existing kids properly - it will get much worse with the baby. Telling is not siding with the MB against the nanny. Telling means you are standing up for those kids - the 2 yr old and baby included. |
nannydebsays
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Tell the parents, as impartially as possible, the facts of what you have observed. Ask them to leave you out of any discussion with their nanny, and just say they were contacted by someone who knows their child and observed some troubling events.
Do NOT discuss this with the nanny in question. If she's really inclined to emotional abuse, she will blame the child for getting nanny "in trouble" and will make the child's life worse. And if this nanny is hooked into the local nanny network, you need to be prepared to be blackballed. |