Finding the Right Nanny - A Vent and a Plea
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Anonymous
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So, I'm on yet another one of my nanny searches.
We've had several over the years. None has quit. We've had to let them go over various issues, including stealing, safety of the children issues, and so on. Once, we and our long term (almost 4 years) full-time nanny agreed to part ways because we wanted to make the position part-time, so we went to bat for her and found her another job right in the neighborhood. That is the only time I have not had to fire someone. Every single nanny we have ever had has come from an agency, and not the same one. We've used every major agency in the area. We've done what I thought were thorough interviews and checked all the references every single time. Twice, I let an agency bully me into someone, then it didn't work out within a few weeks or months. The other times, the agency was just as shocked by what happened as I was. This time, I'm trying to do it by word of mouth, care.com and sittercity. I'm not sure why I seem to keep hiring the wrong person over and over and over. We pay well and have really good benefits, too. Yet, I feel like I will go through this exercise again with the same result, and this time I'm afraid of my own shadow and am second-guessing everything a reference says or the nanny candidate said. What has helped others hire a really good nanny? What processes have you used to ensure you are actually getting a good person? Are there sepcific questions you ask the nanny or the references that you feel led to a great result? Nannies, are there specific questions you have heard in interviews that you thought really helped the family know what you were really like? How can I be sure the candidate won't say one thing then do another? Other thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Nanny here- I just wanted to say I hope you find someone great next time around. I've been with my employers for 3 yrs ( since the oldest was a newborn). MB once told me she feels sad for some of her friends who go through the same thing. One of her friends has gone through 7 nannies since I've been with them. |
Anonymous
| Some people are simply NOT good at judging character, or making hiring decisions. If you know that's you, accept defeat and enlist a friend who IS good at it to be at your house during your interviews. Then take the friend's advice. |
Anonymous
| The common denominator seems to be you. |
Anonymous
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I know how you feel, we went through a similar situation this past spring and summer.
We have had two awesome nannies, one quite good one, and three who were dreadful. Interestingly, the two awesome nannies both applied to an ad we put on Craigslist. In the case of the dreadful nannies, we were in one case in an emergency situation and were lucky to get into a nanny share while we looked for our own nanny. We then had the two dreadful nannies via an online service, one lasted a month before we fired her (and we had to give her a warnng after a week) and the other only lasted a week. In both these cases we were feeling rather rushed and desparate and relied too much on things like glowing letters of reference, without following up enough with references over the phone. One thing we also found was that we needed to take a lot of time to deal with the process properly - I actually took a bit of time off work to do so - and we had to decide where we were willing to compromise. We wanted live-in, but the pool of candidates was really weak. When we opted for live-out instead, it made a huge difference. We also didn't feel we had to have a 'career nanny', that some kind of well educated person with valuable experience with children might be better, i.e. better to have an awesome nanny for a year than a mediocre nanny for three years. We ended up with a young woman who is a qualified teacher but doesn't want to work in the regular school system, and has experience in nursery school and similar settings. Her references were absolutely flawless and she made a great impression at interview, plus we did a trial day before making a formal job offer. Also, we just really clicked, and that's really important. She is helpful with things related to the kids, keeps the areas that they use clean and tidy, and is flexible if we need a slightly earlier start or later day, and in return we offer for her to come late or leave early whenever possible, plus we drive her to the train station at the end of the day whenever we can. She might not stay for much more than a year but she is so great with our kids that we can live with that, and she has said that whenever she leaves she will give lots of notice and help with the transition to a new nanny. So I have no idea of course what your requirements are, but perhaps you need to make some compromises in some areas? Maybe you can't attract the right candidates due to hours, live in/out preference, amount of housekeeping you want, etc. Also, do more than one interview. At the first interview, don't have the kids around for most if not all of it, so you can talk without interuption. Sometimes it's nice to have the kids there for a little while at the end. But what works for us is to have a second interview of a few hours that is just about hanging out, maybe having a casual lunch at home, and seeing how she interacts with the kids. Then a full trial day or even a week if you can swing it. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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In general nannies applying for part time positions are the "second rung" and not as good as nannies who can compete for full time jobs. You will get a good number of people who want full time work but can't find it or the obnoxious ones who think they are the bomb, expect a high hourly rate and then are mediocre at best.
1. Try to have a longer interview and draw the nanny into conversation. Do not accept anything that she or a reference simply report as being true (she's good/great, loves kids) but instead focus on getting her and the reference give you examples of how she has demonstrated in the past that she has this quality. 2. Ask her why she is interested in a part time position rather than a full time position. 3. In the interview be clear that you will have a nanny cam (even if you don't plan to have one). 4. Broaden your phone interviews and be cautious about assuming that the nannies that look best on paper are the best ones. I was surprised but the nannies who had resumes or college experience really blew the interview or had some big red flags in terms of actually knowing what to do with kids, responsibility, or true professionalism. |
Anonymous
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Agencies do not necessarily have the best. I liked the ads on Craigslist and on here.
If you are looking to hire someone who feels like your peer, you'll have a better outcome. A professional nanny can do her job and follow instructions, as well as make suggestions, without being subservient. You want someone who is comfortable in their job. |
Anonymous
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I second craiglist and advertising in many places as possible (care.com, sittercity). I got hundreds of applicants and I talked to as many as possible. The good ones do stand out on email. They write complete sentences and are coherent and know not to write "I am interested, what is the pay????"
You have to do the leg work to search yourself. I would say out of about 200, I emailed back and forth with about 20-30 and talked on the phone with about 10 and met in person a handful. Getting the top pick out of 200 will get you a much much much better nanny than one pushed on you by an agency. |
Anonymous
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Couple things:
1) you feeling that the children are safe is obviously of the upmost importance. But there needs to be a high level of trust, or you will never truly be happy and neither will your employee. I am not a fan of nanny cams (who has that much time to come home and stare at video taken all day) but that is another issue and I am sure another thread. 2) your relationship with the nanny is key. There needs to be respect, communication, similar morals in day to day life (she is helping to raise your kids!. 3) look for someone who wants to have partnership with you in respect to raising the children. Not a strictly employee-employer relationship. You don't want to be best friends or cross boundaries, but it is so important to be discussing the kids, sharing thoughts, discussing situations and so on. Looking for someone to actually uses the word "partnership" it really makes a difference in my experience. 4) believe it or not, Craigslist and DC Urban Moms has given me far better candidates then anything else. 5) first couple of weeks, pop home early, show up at a class ect. Just to put yor nerves at ease. Then trust her, and if you don't or can't then She isn't right for you 6) involve others in the interview process. A husband, friend or grandparent for more opinions 7) lastly, evaluate your expectations and views. Are they truly reasonable? Are you burned out on searching and now are looking for perfection? Or have you truly just had bad luck, and only are looking for normal and reasonable things. Sorry so long, but I hope some of it helps! Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Also on reference checks, all of them will recommend and say good things about the nanny. You have to read between the lines and prep/research some good questions that really get them to think and answer with more than "she is great."
Questions, such as Can you talk about a time when you really wish she had done something differently? |
Anonymous
Agree about the references. A real reference will be honest, basically telling you that "nanny isn't perfect, but she was great with the kids and we loved her.) No one is perfect |
thewildbaby
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I absolutely agree with this. I've been lucky enough to always find a great fit with the families I've worked for, and I believe a huge part of that is our shared background - we attended similar colleges, have traveled, read the same books and magazines, see the same plays and concerts, etc. It has meant that we're able to connect on a level beyond employee-employer and that alone makes it easier to address issues quickly and casually before they become major concerns. I'm not sure what you're looking for in a nanny, how you're deciding who to interview, or what you're asking the nannies and their references, but finding someone who fits into your home and life - and not just with your child - will probably make a big difference. What was it about your long-term nanny that made her stand out from the rest? |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. We have one candidate right now that we like, so I am trying the idea of asking her to come back a second time. I have not heard back from her, but I hope she will be willing to do it. If not, then she is not right for us.
I have been involving my DH and my mother this time, and DH has already rejected one person I liked, so hopefully he is keeping me from making another mistake. The question about what was so great about our long-term nanny is an interesting one. There was certainly more to it, but at bottom I think it came down to respect - she respected us, our house and most importantly our kids. It was entirely mutual. When she left, I don't know if I have ever cried that much over a non-family member in my life. We threw her a big going away party, of course gave her a bonus, paid her health insurance for several additional months before the new employer would agree to pick it up and bought her a charm bracelet from Tiffany's with three charms - two charms with the first letter of our children's names and one that was a circle of red hearts. When you have someone with whom you felt that complete trust and like they genuinely loved your kids, it is impossible not to love them, too. There are times I think I should have never let her go, but she really wanted to keep being a full-time nanny, not a nanny/house manager, and I could not justify paying for 50 hours when I only needed 30. Hopefully the next great one is out there. I have to keep looking. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think the real problem is that you are looking for a part-time nanny (probably after school, right?) and these are not the best.
FWIW, we only need our nanny for about 35 hours/week, but pay an extra 10+ hours each week b/c we wanted the best possible care. We do date night, but - honestly - she gets paid a good $100/week for her availability and b/c we wanted a top nanny. |
Anonymous
There is some truth to this but I searched and found some good candidates for my 30 hr a week posting. It is possible. |