Child with no independence...
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Anonymous
| I work for a WAHD and care for an almost four year old. The child has Zero desire to do anything on his own. Going to the bathroom he refuses to do anything on his own even though he's more than capable. He won't play on his own, color on his own, and sometimes won't even eat on his own. I'm concerned because the parents do everything for him! And because I work for a work at home parent it's hard to make him do things that I know his parents usually do for him. Because he whines and says he doesn't want to do "insert whatever" on his own. It becomes a battle between us, so I usually just do it for him, because if db comes out he just does it for his son anyway. I'm worried that this child will go to school and be totally unprepared, but I don't know how to make the situation better. In fact when he was younger he was actually more independent because he wanted to be, but now the parents control so much he's lost interest in independence and prefers to be lazy. What should I do? |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP. That's rough, especially with a sahd who will go ahead and do what the child wants if you don't do it yourself for him.
I have a similar situation with a 5 year old, but without parents in the home. It has definitely improved in the last couple months. He's a great kid but I felt like I couldn't breathe by myself sometimes - he'd be right outside the bathroom when I went, always ask me to put his clothes on him, want me to watch his shows sitting right next to him, want me to do his own crafts without him helping, etc, etc. What has helped some - I told him when I go the bathroom, I want him to play with his toys and not be waiting for me. I stopped sitting next to him and even leave his room sometimes if I don't care for the show he's watching. I have him color, and glue and cut and now he wants to do it himself. I think you should just start telling him for that particular task/activity/etc that he can do it himself or help him ane eventually he will? |
Anonymous
| You should follow the parents' parenting style. Thats why they're called parents. LO will figure it out when he starts school. |
thewildbaby
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I disagree with this PP. OP, what happens when you turn it into a game? For instance, if he doesn't want to brush his teeth you whip our your toothbrush and see who can make the most suds while brushing. He doesn't want to pick up the toys? Whoever gets the most toys picked up in 3 minutes earns a special reward (whether that's a treat or screen time or whatever you and the parents use). And so on - does he not engage at all in this type of hype? |
Anonymous
| This child needs preschool. |
Anonymous
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Not much you can do aside from encouraging him, making a game of it, and making a big deal about it when he does something independently! Would a sticker chart work for you, or do you think the parents would undermine/have a problem with it?
Ultimately his parents are setting him up for failure and an inability to deal with that failure which is sad. A lot of parenting decisions are made off emotion or what is easiest in that moment- not with the long term perspective and child development in mind. Independence and resiliency are so important and a parent doing everything for the child and rushing in to save the day eliminates opportunities for both of these. Sad. |