Anonymous wrote:You'd have to first agree what a nanny is. Good luck with that, seeing that some of you think it's a warm body, while others think it's a professional with extensive knowledge of, and experience with early childhood development.
The problem with this is there is not one right answer to every question. There are a lot of different right ways to do something and just because your way works doesn't mean it is consistent with the family's philosophy or the only right way to do something. Truthfully, I'd prefer a nanny who was more open to trying things different ways and allowing us to figure out what is right for our family than one who always had the "answer." If that means I am hiring a sitter, I guess I prefer a sitter ....
I find the PP nanny as annoying as you do, but are you seriously saying that you'd rather overlook a technique known to work as presented by the nanny and instead muddle through parenting for the first time as though you didn't have the benefit of this experienced caregiver to draw from? WHY? She's at your disposal with experience with many different kids and many different families and probably a range of parenting approaches, why would you want to overlook that?
For my part, I'm a nanny who also feels I pretty much always know how to handle something (sorry) but I have a very parent-friendly approach in which I will suggest small things as ideas and will keep my mouth shut about bigger issues until I'm asked. For my NF that was two years in to their daughter sleeping for no one except me. I told them what they should do, how it will play out, and assured them it would be worth it. Within a day she was sleeping for them and has been for months now, no regression. They were trying to figure it out themselves but I promise, I could have saved everyone a lot of sleepless nights and, honestly, could have saved DC a lot of tears. It may be difficult to do CIO with a one year old but it is infinitely worse to spend the entire second year sleep deprived and STILL having hour+ screaming fits at every nap and bed time.
So you were doing CIO on your own with the child that's how she/he would sleep only only for you for two years? And the parents didn't know that? And then you told them what to do, reassured them and within one day that changed?
I am very much pro-CIO, but I respect parents who decide not to utilize it, it's up to them to make a choice. What know-it-all nannies here don't seem to get is that there might be cultural, religious or other preferences that dictate certain choices. Not because the nanny is wrong but because the parents have reasons to choose otherwise.
What you don't seem to get, is that it's human nature to do what has always worked for you. That's why if you want to be guaranteed a Kosher kitchen, you get a Jewish nanny, not a Muslim nanny.
If your way doesn't make sense to her, well what can we say? Good luck with that, lady.
One trick pony? That's hardly an expert. And btw, this is why there are nanny cams everywhere.
Anonymous wrote:You'd have to first agree what a nanny is. Good luck with that, seeing that some of you think it's a warm body, while others think it's a professional with extensive knowledge of, and experience with early childhood development.
Ok, let's talk definitions? What exactly is "extensive knowledge or early childhood development"? has read X number of books about it? Has a degree? Has been a nanny for X years? But that's experience, not necessarily knowing the theory or latest research.
Put it like this... I have yet to be presented with an issue I didn't know how to solve. I take the time to gather the info I need, and I know the solution. Neither theory, nor latest research, can do that for a child.
It's been continuing education and ongoing experience, that got me here. Last time I chatted with an agency owner, she grilled me with every possible dilemma she could think of. After I aced every question in the book and then some, she said, "Now why do you want to be a nanny?" As if I was overqualified to work with children. Yes, I do consulting too, for a $100/hr. Probably lots of people are overqualified to do what they love doing. It's fine.
The problem with this is there is not one right answer to every question. There are a lot of different right ways to do something and just because your way works doesn't mean it is consistent with the family's philosophy or the only right way to do something. Truthfully, I'd prefer a nanny who was more open to trying things different ways and allowing us to figure out what is right for our family than one who always had the "answer." If that means I am hiring a sitter, I guess I prefer a sitter ....
I find the PP nanny as annoying as you do, but are you seriously saying that you'd rather overlook a technique known to work as presented by the nanny and instead muddle through parenting for the first time as though you didn't have the benefit of this experienced caregiver to draw from? WHY? She's at your disposal with experience with many different kids and many different families and probably a range of parenting approaches, why would you want to overlook that?
For my part, I'm a nanny who also feels I pretty much always know how to handle something (sorry) but I have a very parent-friendly approach in which I will suggest small things as ideas and will keep my mouth shut about bigger issues until I'm asked. For my NF that was two years in to their daughter sleeping for no one except me. I told them what they should do, how it will play out, and assured them it would be worth it. Within a day she was sleeping for them and has been for months now, no regression. They were trying to figure it out themselves but I promise, I could have saved everyone a lot of sleepless nights and, honestly, could have saved DC a lot of tears. It may be difficult to do CIO with a one year old but it is infinitely worse to spend the entire second year sleep deprived and STILL having hour+ screaming fits at every nap and bed time.
I am the PP you are talking to - I absolutely would not overlook a technique known to work as presented by our nanny but it's a conversation, not a given. It just doesn't mean it's the only way or the "right" way to do something. For example, our nanny and I had somewhat different approaches to handling DC when he was having a number of meltdowns/tantrums in public. Both of our ways worked, but I preferred for our nanny to do things our way (even though her way handled the meltdown just fine too) because we thought having two ways would be too confusing to DC and frankly her way was less in line with our parenting philosophies. She did things our way and that worked fine. Experienced nannies may know children generally, but even first time parents understand their own kids pretty well. I'd prefer to have a nanny/sitter/whatever you want to call her who is part of my team and who respects my parental instincts as much I as respect her experience, than have someone constantly telling me what to do. As a parent, it's much more important for me to develop confidence in my own instincts and figure out how to understand and relate to my child in the long run, than it is harmful for my child to suffer through a few first time parent mistakes, especially when they are mistakes made with love and good intentions. I am not afraid to ask for help when I need help and I definitely appreciate and am receptive to our nanny's thoughts and suggestions at any time. That is not the same thing as needing to be told how to parent my child all the time. It's about balance and teamwork. But the type of expert nanny PP was describing would absolutely not be right for us because at the end of the day, I know that there is just more than one right way to do things.
I don't think nannies typically tell parents how to do anything, unless they ask.
Am curious, in what way were your meltdown strategies at odds? What was she doing, and what did you make her do?
But parents and nannies should have consistent strategies so whether or not the nanny is telling the parents what to do, she needs to be talking to them about what she is doing and make sure it is consistent with their way of doing things, and taking direction if the answer is no. It seemed like the point of the PP I was responding to was that she did not need to do that and in fact could tell the parents how to handle everything, and that's what made her worth the higher wages. Perhaps some parents would pay more for that, but I wouldn't hire a nanny like that at all.
In terms of meltdown strategies, without going into too much detail, both involved removing DC from the situation and allowing him to cool down, but they varied as to what degree he was removed and our strategy (while perhaps harsher on it's face) involved trying to figure out the underlying source of the meltdown a little more (which may not be necessary with all kids but which I could see was important with mine). It worked. DC is 3 and I wouldn't say he never has a public tantrum (because he's 3 and it happens) but they are pretty rare now.
Anonymous wrote:You'd have to first agree what a nanny is. Good luck with that, seeing that some of you think it's a warm body, while others think it's a professional with extensive knowledge of, and experience with early childhood development.
Ok, let's talk definitions? What exactly is "extensive knowledge or early childhood development"? has read X number of books about it? Has a degree? Has been a nanny for X years? But that's experience, not necessarily knowing the theory or latest research.
Put it like this... I have yet to be presented with an issue I didn't know how to solve. I take the time to gather the info I need, and I know the solution. Neither theory, nor latest research, can do that for a child.
It's been continuing education and ongoing experience, that got me here. Last time I chatted with an agency owner, she grilled me with every possible dilemma she could think of. After I aced every question in the book and then some, she said, "Now why do you want to be a nanny?" As if I was overqualified to work with children. Yes, I do consulting too, for a $100/hr. Probably lots of people are overqualified to do what they love doing. It's fine.
The problem with this is there is not one right answer to every question. There are a lot of different right ways to do something and just because your way works doesn't mean it is consistent with the family's philosophy or the only right way to do something. Truthfully, I'd prefer a nanny who was more open to trying things different ways and allowing us to figure out what is right for our family than one who always had the "answer." If that means I am hiring a sitter, I guess I prefer a sitter ....
I find the PP nanny as annoying as you do, but are you seriously saying that you'd rather overlook a technique known to work as presented by the nanny and instead muddle through parenting for the first time as though you didn't have the benefit of this experienced caregiver to draw from? WHY? She's at your disposal with experience with many different kids and many different families and probably a range of parenting approaches, why would you want to overlook that?
For my part, I'm a nanny who also feels I pretty much always know how to handle something (sorry) but I have a very parent-friendly approach in which I will suggest small things as ideas and will keep my mouth shut about bigger issues until I'm asked. For my NF that was two years in to their daughter sleeping for no one except me. I told them what they should do, how it will play out, and assured them it would be worth it. Within a day she was sleeping for them and has been for months now, no regression. They were trying to figure it out themselves but I promise, I could have saved everyone a lot of sleepless nights and, honestly, could have saved DC a lot of tears. It may be difficult to do CIO with a one year old but it is infinitely worse to spend the entire second year sleep deprived and STILL having hour+ screaming fits at every nap and bed time.
So you were doing CIO on your own with the child that's how she/he would sleep only only for you for two years? And the parents didn't know that? And then you told them what to do, reassured them and within one day that changed?
I am very much pro-CIO, but I respect parents who decide not to utilize it, it's up to them to make a choice. What know-it-all nannies here don't seem to get is that there might be cultural, religious or other preferences that dictate certain choices. Not because the nanny is wrong but because the parents have reasons to choose otherwise.
What you don't seem to get, is that it's human nature to do what has always worked for you. That's why if you want to be guaranteed a Kosher kitchen, you get a Jewish nanny, not a Muslim nanny.
If your way doesn't make sense to her, well what can we say? Good luck with that, lady.
This argument literally makes the case for a "sitter" as one PP puts it over a "nanny." Most parents would prefer to have someone who works with them, not who just does things her own way because she thinks that she knows best. And agree with a PP - this is a big reason parents have nanny cams.
Anonymous wrote:You'd have to first agree what a nanny is. Good luck with that, seeing that some of you think it's a warm body, while others think it's a professional with extensive knowledge of, and experience with early childhood development.
Ok, let's talk definitions? What exactly is "extensive knowledge or early childhood development"? has read X number of books about it? Has a degree? Has been a nanny for X years? But that's experience, not necessarily knowing the theory or latest research.
Put it like this... I have yet to be presented with an issue I didn't know how to solve. I take the time to gather the info I need, and I know the solution. Neither theory, nor latest research, can do that for a child.
It's been continuing education and ongoing experience, that got me here. Last time I chatted with an agency owner, she grilled me with every possible dilemma she could think of. After I aced every question in the book and then some, she said, "Now why do you want to be a nanny?" As if I was overqualified to work with children. Yes, I do consulting too, for a $100/hr. Probably lots of people are overqualified to do what they love doing. It's fine.
The problem with this is there is not one right answer to every question. There are a lot of different right ways to do something and just because your way works doesn't mean it is consistent with the family's philosophy or the only right way to do something. Truthfully, I'd prefer a nanny who was more open to trying things different ways and allowing us to figure out what is right for our family than one who always had the "answer." If that means I am hiring a sitter, I guess I prefer a sitter ....
I find the PP nanny as annoying as you do, but are you seriously saying that you'd rather overlook a technique known to work as presented by the nanny and instead muddle through parenting for the first time as though you didn't have the benefit of this experienced caregiver to draw from? WHY? She's at your disposal with experience with many different kids and many different families and probably a range of parenting approaches, why would you want to overlook that?
For my part, I'm a nanny who also feels I pretty much always know how to handle something (sorry) but I have a very parent-friendly approach in which I will suggest small things as ideas and will keep my mouth shut about bigger issues until I'm asked. For my NF that was two years in to their daughter sleeping for no one except me. I told them what they should do, how it will play out, and assured them it would be worth it. Within a day she was sleeping for them and has been for months now, no regression. They were trying to figure it out themselves but I promise, I could have saved everyone a lot of sleepless nights and, honestly, could have saved DC a lot of tears. It may be difficult to do CIO with a one year old but it is infinitely worse to spend the entire second year sleep deprived and STILL having hour+ screaming fits at every nap and bed time.
I am the PP you are talking to - I absolutely would not overlook a technique known to work as presented by our nanny but it's a conversation, not a given. It just doesn't mean it's the only way or the "right" way to do something. For example, our nanny and I had somewhat different approaches to handling DC when he was having a number of meltdowns/tantrums in public. Both of our ways worked, but I preferred for our nanny to do things our way (even though her way handled the meltdown just fine too) because we thought having two ways would be too confusing to DC and frankly her way was less in line with our parenting philosophies. She did things our way and that worked fine. Experienced nannies may know children generally, but even first time parents understand their own kids pretty well. I'd prefer to have a nanny/sitter/whatever you want to call her who is part of my team and who respects my parental instincts as much I as respect her experience, than have someone constantly telling me what to do. As a parent, it's much more important for me to develop confidence in my own instincts and figure out how to understand and relate to my child in the long run, than it is harmful for my child to suffer through a few first time parent mistakes, especially when they are mistakes made with love and good intentions. I am not afraid to ask for help when I need help and I definitely appreciate and am receptive to our nanny's thoughts and suggestions at any time. That is not the same thing as needing to be told how to parent my child all the time. It's about balance and teamwork. But the type of expert nanny PP was describing would absolutely not be right for us because at the end of the day, I know that there is just more than one right way to do things.
I don't think nannies typically tell parents how to do anything, unless they ask.
Am curious, in what way were your meltdown strategies at odds? What was she doing, and what did you make her do?
But parents and nannies should have consistent strategies so whether or not the nanny is telling the parents what to do, she needs to be talking to them about what she is doing and make sure it is consistent with their way of doing things, and taking direction if the answer is no. It seemed like the point of the PP I was responding to was that she did not need to do that and in fact could tell the parents how to handle everything, and that's what made her worth the higher wages. Perhaps some parents would pay more for that, but I wouldn't hire a nanny like that at all.
In terms of meltdown strategies, without going into too much detail, both involved removing DC from the situation and allowing him to cool down, but they varied as to what degree he was removed and our strategy (while perhaps harsher on it's face) involved trying to figure out the underlying source of the meltdown a little more (which may not be necessary with all kids but which I could see was important with mine). It worked. DC is 3 and I wouldn't say he never has a public tantrum (because he's 3 and it happens) but they are pretty rare now.
PS before accusations start flying, when I say our strategy was "harsher" on its face, I only mean to the extent of the removal. Neither strategy involved yelling or raising voices or anything like that.
This argument literally makes the case for a "sitter" as one PP puts it over a "nanny." Most parents would prefer to have someone who works with them, not who just does things her own way because she thinks that she knows best. And agree with a PP - this is a big reason parents have nanny cams.
Yes, get sitters who will wait for your hourly detailed instructions. Oops, can't get out of that damn meeting? Don't worry. Your sitter is happy to sit on your couch and wait for you. What's wrong with that?
Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Are there only 2 types of professionals in your field: know-it-all nanny that will do as she pleases and mess up a kosher kitchen because she is an asshole and a sitter who calls every 15 minutes?
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