Nanny & TV

[Anonymous]

Looking for some anonymous DCUM people to check me on the TV situation with nanny. My three year old has a speech delay, possibly ASD (further developmental evals forthcoming) but he is obsessed with TV, and would watch for hours on end if it was up to him. Sometimes he demands it, and it's tempting to give in for obvious reasons. But I am paying prime rates for qualified nanny to watch him and had a conversation upon hiring about limited TV and goal of hiring someone to engage more with my kid. I pay her for 40 hrs a week plus benefits and generous vacation time. He's in school until late afternoon and most of the time I don't even account for the time she's not with him because she has to travel a long distance and I want her to be "on" for the 4-5 hours she's with him and I want her to be happy. But it's like pulling teeth with trying to get her to come up with some engaging activities for him - I'm like play puzzles, pretend play with figurines, do some painting, read some books, do some research on google about fun things to do with three year olds, anything! Part of what I am paying for is for her to come up with this stuff on her own so I can get a break and focus on work. So I'm feeling pretty disappointed that she's putting TV on for him in the basement on normal days (understandable on sick days and rainy days) and really not coming up with anything new for him to do. Am I being unreasonable and how do I manage this?

[Anonymous]

You are not being unreasonable. What hours does she work?
I would say no TV at all Mon-Thurs on school days. BUT you ned to follow the rule yourself too.

[Anonymous]

Just say no TV at all. New rules. If she is not good in researching activities despite plenty of paid time not spent working, then fire her, or come up with the activities yourself.

[Anonymous]

This is nuts. I'd fire her. And I'd give that kid zero tv. He needs to talk with people face to face, not watch people talk passively. Hire someone closer to you who is high energy and has tons of ideas. Ask in the interview "What kinds of things have you found 3 yr old boys like to do? Are you good at taking initiative? Are you good at saying no and redirecting when a child wants to do something they're not allowed to do?"

And I'd tell the nanny no screens at all while he's awake.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you turn on the TV for him when you’re with him. I understand that you’re paying her, but he doesn’t. If you want him to have less screen time, then it needs to be a clear and consistent rule. Kids with ASD can be very rigid and if she’s pushing him to interact and play all the time when he isn’t used to it, that’s going to be a very challenging day for both of them. He may also need breaks from constantly engaging with her/other kids, as many neurodivergent people do. I would come up with a comfortable limit for him (no more than 30 minutes every 3 hours he’s playing home, or whatever you decide) and you need to stick to that too.

[Anonymous]

Screen time for a 3 year old?? When did that become a thing?

[Anonymous]

Since your son seems to be really into the TV, I think it is best if you also do not allow it on when your Nanny is not present.

Because if you do - then it will make the Nanny’s job more difficult when it comes to her telling your son no TV.

I think it would be annoying to tell a Nanny that no screen time is permitted during her shift > yet the parent will allow it when Nanny is not there.
It sends a confusing dynamic to the child who is impacted.

I would have some suggestions ready for your Nanny on things to do w/your son since she doesn’t appear to take the initiative.
Possibly suggest they play w/Play-Doh outside on the back porch or that they kick a ball around the yard.

Have some crayons or colored pencils + blank paper for them to draw on at the kitchen table.
I do think as your Nanny she should be able to take the initiative when it comes to ideas of things for them to do while she is there.

Playing w/jigsaw puzzles, stickers, etc. or reading story books does not take very much creativity in my opinion.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I once worked for a family that had a kid that loved tv. every time I came in the TV was on. Every time the kid demand to watch tv through out the day mom gave in. I had the suggestion of listening to music instead and that worked but the older he got the more mom played tv whenever he demanded. Every time he has a meal he was in front of the tv. Eventually I said eff it. He also had a speech delay but that was determined before he ever saw tv. That’s not fair to your nanny or kid if you aren’t also enforcing the same thing. Coloring was stressful, we’d paint sometimes but that would only last 10 minutes, reading only last 15-20. I’d always give suggestions on toys to buy. Places we could go. And they went ignored. What your child’s interest? Does he not play with his toys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once worked for a family that had a kid that loved tv. every time I came in the TV was on. Every time the kid demand to watch tv through out the day mom gave in. I had the suggestion of listening to music instead and that worked but the older he got the more mom played tv whenever he demanded. Every time he has a meal he was in front of the tv. Eventually I said eff it. He also had a speech delay but that was determined before he ever saw tv. That’s not fair to your nanny or kid if you aren’t also enforcing the same thing. Coloring was stressful, we’d paint sometimes but that would only last 10 minutes, reading only last 15-20. I’d always give suggestions on toys to buy. Places we could go. And they went ignored. What your child’s interest? Does he not play with his toys?

The difference between a parent and nanny is as a nanny you are getting paid and your primary responsibility is to care for that child. Moms have to cook, clean and do other things as well.

[Anonymous]

Board games. That's how our mom taught us colors. numbers, order, taking turns, etc. We did not have a tv until we were in ES.

[Anonymous]

Fire her and tell the new nanny she can’t ever let your kid watch TV. My 2.5 year old doesn’t even ask her nanny for TV because she only associates it with mom and dad. She works 8 hours a day and manages to keep my kid busy with art, toys, and outings.