Kids told me AP asked them to lie to me, I want to let her go, am i overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Hello, single dad here. My ap is fine, two months from being done. We are not extending with her and she already knows. My kids had off today and ap took them out. I asked them what they did today, oldest said ap took them for a treat but told them not to tell me about it because she thought I wouldn’t want them to go/wouldn’t be happy. I am shocked and there were a few little things adding up I let slide but now I just want her to go. I have zero trust now. I haven’t talked to the LCC yet, but that was very disrespectful and just silly. Am I overreacting though?

[Anonymous]

I think you should just give her a stern lecture about telling kids to lie to their parents and hide things from parents. Shame her for her decision to do that. Then let it go because it's only two more months. And yes, tell the LCC so they can talk to her about that also.

[Anonymous]

What was the treat exactly ?

If you let her go you will be without any childcare, unless you can do without i'd let it go but i'd tell her what i think

[Anonymous]

If you were just starting out, I’d say let her go. But you only have two more months, so I say stick it out, unless you have an easy reliable back up care option.

Fwiw, our AP is gone now but I am just learning about some of the stupid stuff she said to my kids. I just handle it as it comes up.

[Anonymous]

Yous kids seem to know better. They are not little kids in danger. Also, why would AP think you would not like that they had a treat?

[Anonymous]

Hmm, ask more questions. Did they see her friends when they were out? Who was buying the treat? What was it? How long were they there?

My aupair used to take 'my kids for some fun' when it was shopping with her boyfriend at the mall and then getting icecream with him afterwards. I didn't know the boyfriend and I wasn't amused. My kids were basically neglected at the play area in the mall while they have an impromptu date.

Ask questions. Explain that having the kids lie for her is rematch territory. It's a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide what the limit is for you. You'll have to weigh the disruption to your childcare coverage and routine, disruption to the kids' lives, whether you want to maintain contact with her at all after her time is over, and If this is the straw that broke the camel's back, so be it.

I've come pretty close to rematching myself. In our case, the AP was actually the best one we've had, except for the last 2 months of her time with us. It was a combination of summer break and the kids spending a lot more time with her, and her end of year approaching that somehow made her really mean toward one of our DCs. She still took decent care of the kids, but her attitude toward DC1 was so impatient and off-putting that I was beginning to worry about impact on DC. The dichotomy of her performance prior to that time and the last 2 months was pretty stark. To be fair, right before I was ready to have a reset conversation with her, she straightened herself out and course corrected. In the end we toughed out the final 2 months and wrapped up our year on a decent note. If we asked for rematch, I think that would have been the end of any future connection. The kids did enjoy her visit after her time with us, so I'm glad we didn't end the match early.

[Anonymous]

I would let this go - reminds me when I give my kid a cookie and say don't tell your mom

[Anonymous]

Deal breaker. Never *ever* ask the kids to lie.

[Anonymous]

Not a good decision by the AP but I would ask for her version of events before making a decision. Personally, it does sound to me like you are overreacting a bit especially in light of the fact she is almost done with her year; but you have to go with your gut and do what is best for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a good decision by the AP but I would ask for her version of events before making a decision. Personally, it does sound to me like you are overreacting a bit especially in light of the fact she is almost done with her year; but you have to go with your gut and do what is best for your family.

this. Ask her about it first.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. Insta-rematch for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let this go - reminds me when I give my kid a cookie and say don't tell your mom

I would let it go too. Some adults don't realize that it's harmful to "give a kid a cooking and say don't tell your mom." They are trying to be cool, and have a fun little secret. I have to remind our kids grandparents this. I often is an innocent mistake, trying to win affection. But tell them that kids who get abused and taken advantage of start to get groomed with that, so that's why you won't tolerate it.

It's awesome your kids told you anyway lol. Shows them they trust their daddy more than anyone